


florecer

by life_unsolved



Category: LA by Night, Vampire: The Masquerade, Vampire: The Masquerade- L.A. By Night (Web Series)
Genre: Blood Drinking, Diablerie, F/F, F/M, baby!Nelli, human!Nelli, this took 10 years off my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_unsolved/pseuds/life_unsolved
Summary: /flo-ɾe-ser/·verbto bloom, to blossom, to flourish..15 headcanons about Nelli turned into ficlets that are snap shots of her life. They range from the time she was a little girl until present day, before and after her change. You don't have to read them in order for them to make sense.This is essentially just a series of love letters picking apart my favorite character.





	1. Spanish is her first language

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time doing something in this style. I'm hoping that it turns out well. I really hope you guys enjoy watching Nelli grow into the woman she is from these different moments in her life. 
> 
> This headcanon came from the way Cyn speaks. My grandfather immigrated from Mexico, and I always noticed how his mouth held the words differently than the rest of our family, who all learned English first.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mommy, what if I forget something?”
> 
> Her mother tightened the straps on the bag, and Nelli wiggled her shoulders as she adjusted to the foreign weight. It was stuffed to the brim with crayons, markers, and a bunch of other things Nelli didn’t think she would need.
> 
> “Like what?”
> 
> “What if I forget the words in English?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time doing something in this style. I'm hoping that it turns out well. I really hope you guys enjoy watching Nelli grow into the woman she is from these different moments in her life. 
> 
> This headcanon came from the way Cyn speaks. My grandfather immigrated from Mexico, and I always noticed how his mouth held the words differently than the rest of our family, who all learned English first.

Nelli waited patiently for her mom to finish braiding her hair. She tried to peek down at the floor, catching a glimpse of the long white socks poking out of her pink gym shoes. Nelli could tie her own shoes, but because it was such a special day, she’d asked her mommy to double knot them just to be safe.

She wiggled impatiently, tapping her nails on the bathroom counter like she’d seen her mother do when someone was taking too long at the grocery store. She tried to raise her eyebrow, making her face as stern as possible in the mirror. She scrunched her nose as she felt her mom work out a small tangle in her hair.

“Hold still. You’re almost done,” her mother murmured, focusing on securing the braid she was working on before adding a bow on the end. Her mother stood up straight, and Nelli met her gaze in the mirror, smiling nervously.

“You’re so beautiful, amor. Why are you so beautiful?”

Nelli turned to her mother, stepping off the stool.

“Because I look like my Mommy,” she said, burying her face in her mother’s blouse. She could feel her mom laughing and hugged her tighter. She tried to press down the butterflies that had fluttered in her chest since last night.

She’d barely been able to sleep. It had taken three stories and several promises of paletas the next day to get her to finally calm down enough to drift off. She could hardly handle the excitement, or maybe fear, that she’d felt since her mom had told her she’d be starting school this week.

She’d seen the elementary school before. They went to the park there sometimes when her mom didn’t have to work. The park was all blue and tan, and the wood chips scratched her hands when she wasn’t careful.

Her mom would push her on the swings until she thought she was going to fall, begging to go higher as the chains dug into her hands. She wasn’t very good at swinging on her own yet, but her mommy had promised that they would teach her when school began.

Nelli had never been to school before. Some of the kids in her building went to preschool, and some of them went to daycare. Nelli stayed with the nice lady that lived upstairs, who was her Mom’s friend since before she was born. Her mom and dad lived in this building before they had her, so the people there had watched her grow up and she knew them all by name.

She knew the Ramirez’s in apartment eight always had candy if she smiled and asked nicely, and she knew the boys who lived in two would pull her hair if they caught her walking in the stairways between floors. She also knew that if she caught the younger boy without his brother, he would show her all his Hot Wheels if she promised not to tell where he hid them.

Nelli lived in apartment four with her mom, and she knew her numbers all the way up to one hundred. She was very good at numbers.

The lady, Nelli had always just called her Abuela, had a fat, gray cat who would bite her if she tried to pet him. He shed a lot and he liked to attack her shoelaces if she didn’t tie them tight. His name was Hermes. Sometimes, if Nelli sat still and shared her snacks (Hermes really liked Dorito’s), he would sit on her lap and purr.

She felt a small wave of worry pass over her and pulled her head away. She looked up at her mom, resting her chin on her stomach. “Mommy, que si-”

“Nelli, we talked about this. English.”

The worry in her stomach deepened. Her mother bent down, straightening her overalls briefly before she picked Nelli up and began to carry her out of the bathroom, pausing only to turn off the light.

Nelli had insisted on all pink for her first day. Her overalls were a muted baby pink, with little yellow flowers on the front pocket. They were soft and fuzzy, and they stopped just above her knees. She had a plain white shirt on underneath, and the bows in her hair were the same soft pink. She pulled at one of them nervously, only stopping when her mom tugged her hand away.

Her mother walked up the hall into the living room, setting Nelli down and turning to grab her book bag from the couch. It was a darker shade of pink, and she reached out to touch the Smurfs staring at her from the clear plastic. She worried her lip with her teeth as her mother helped her slide one arm in, and then the next.

“Mommy, what if I forget something?”

Her mother tightened the straps on the bag, and Nelli wiggled her shoulders as she adjusted to the foreign weight. Her mom said that it was only heavy because it was the first day. It was stuffed to the brim with crayons, markers, and a bunch of other things Nelli didn’t think she would need. Her name was written on the inside in black marker in case she lost it, but Nelli didn’t think she would. She hoped she wouldn’t.

“Like what?”

Nelli shrugged as her mother took her hand and led her out of their apartment. They paused at the front door, and Nelli watched her mother lock it after them as some of their neighbors began heading downstairs, some of the kids waving at her as their parents said hello to her mother. 

“What if I forget the words in English?”

Her mother took her hand again, and they followed the parade of parents and children heading out of the building. There were at least fifteen kids between all the apartments, and most of them were roughly her age. She watched as a few of the older kids got into cars or waited on the street for the bus that came and got the middle schoolers every morning. Nelli watched them from Abuela’s window some mornings.

It was already getting warm. The sun seemed to greet them in vibrant rays, making little waves on the asphalt of the street. September in Southern California was almost unbearable. Everything was hot, and it didn’t rain at all. On top of that, everything was sticky. The doorknobs, the stairway railing, other people. It was gross.

She watched as kids laughed with each other and their parents as they all walked towards the elementary school down the block. It seemed that everyone was excited about the first day except for Nelli. She clutched her mom’s hand tighter as they walked, squeezing as tight as she could in the hopes that her mom would squeeze back.

“You won’t forget, baby. It’ll be just like we practiced. What’s your name?”

Nelli held her head high and tried to push her shoulders back like her mom had shown her, speaking as clearly as possible. “My name is Petranilla Griffith.”

Her mother smiled at her. “And how old are you?”

Nelli held up her hand, fingers painted pink and spread wide. “I’m five. ¿Cómo se dice rosa en inglés?”

Her mother rolled her eyes and sighed, “Pink.”

“Pink,” Nelli repeated, putting emphasis on the clicking sound of the ‘K’. She held her mother’s hand with both of her own as they got closer to the light, brick building. She started to slow down, tugging on her mother’s hand to try to pull her back. Suddenly, the bright building seemed impossibly big. Nelli had always been smaller than the other kids, and the thought of getting lost and not being able to ask for help crept into her mind.

“What’s wrong, amor?” Her mother looked her over quickly. Nelli reached her arms up in a silent plea, begging with her eyes. Her mother sighed before picking Nelli up and walking with the child on her hip.

Nelli buried her face into her mother’s neck, taking in the perfume of her hair. Her mother’s hair was normally curly, unlike hers, but sometimes she straightened it for work. The lanky strands tickled her nose, and she pulled back, watching her mother’s face.

“Mommy, what if I do forget? What if no one knows what I’m saying? What if-” She broke off, starting to pick at the sparkly nail polish on her fingers.

Her mother pulled her hand away before pausing and stepping into the grass. She set Nelli down, and squatted in front of her, holding Nelli’s face between her hands. 

“Mija, you’re not going to forget. You’re going to be fine. At least one of your teachers speaks Spanish, so if you really can’t remember, it’s okay. Okay?”

Nelli stared back at her mother, nodding a little. 

“Okay.”

“Good. Now, come on. You don’t wanna be late on your first day,” she said as they began walking towards where the children were starting to line up. They had practiced lining up not too long ago, and she knew which one of the women directing people was her teacher. Some of the other kids from her class waved at her as they approached, and she waved back hesitantly. 

She started to walk forward to join the other kids before she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head, and her mother stared at her expectantly. She blushed a little as she turned around, wrapping her arms around her mother’s waist tightly. Her mom picked her up, holding her close for a moment as she pressed a kiss to her cheek before setting her back down, nodding towards the line.

She waved over her shoulder, not looking back as she started to walk over to the group of kids that were going to be her classmates. “Bye, Mommy! Te amo!”

She paid no mind to the watery, “Love you too, kid!” that followed her to her spot. She was supposed to be number ten in line today and she carefully counted all the kids that were already there.

She stepped in between a few of her classmates to find her space. There was a dark-haired boy wearing neat khakis and a navy polo, who Nelli had never seen before. He ignored her as she got in front of him, too busy talking to the boy behind him. The girl in front of her immediately turned around, blonde hair moving in a thin curtain as she descended on Nelli.

“Hi, I’m Jessica! What’s your name?”

She tried to ignore the knots in her throat, looking over at her mom briefly. Her mom smiled back, eyes rimmed red, and Nelli put on her bravest face, pushing her shoulders all the way back. She took a deep breath and tried not to stumble over her words.

“I’m Petranilla Griffith. I’m five.”

The girl blinked at her, murmuring warped versions of her name for a few moments before asking, “What is it? Pet- What?”

Nelli flushed, and her shoulders began to creep towards her ears.

“You can just call me Nelli,” she mumbled, starting to worry her lip again.

Jessica nodded, smiling again, “Hi, Nelli! I’m five, too! I love your book bag, I-”

Nelli tried to pay attention as Jessica began to prattle on, stopping only to smile at her mom, giving her a thumbs up. 

_My name is Nelli. I’m five years old. My favorite color is pink._ She repeated the mantra to herself as the line leader began to guide them inside. Her English was good, but Spanish would always be what she knew best. Spanish was what her mother spoke. It’s what Abuela spoke, and Hermes too, if he bothered to listen to anyone, which he mostly didn’t. She could feel the nerves coming back, so she tried to collect herself. As the line moved forward, she raised her chin a little. She was going to be brave. She could hear her mom yelling at her to be good, and she turned to nod shakily, waving one last time. She began again.

 _Me llamo Nelli. Tengo cinco años…_

She took a deep breath, and without looking back, she walked inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone correct me if I fucked the Spanish, I am familiar not fluent.


	2. She didn't have a dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her dad drove a shiny white car, and the top went down and sometimes he let her ride in the front seat, even if it made her mom mad. He bought her ice cream, and he gave her money, and she never had to eat anything she didn’t want to.
> 
> She tried to keep that in mind as she waited for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that a lot of things made Nelli the way she is, but I think that the problem she had with Chaz and the reason she got jealous enough to kill Donna is a simple one. The girl has intense abandonment issues. It's so interesting to see the different ways those manifest.

Nelli sat on the couch in Abuela’s apartment, offering Hermes a piece of her sandwich. He was sniffing at it delicately, as if he was debating whether turkey and cheese was good enough for him. She stretched her hand out a bit more, pushing the sandwich closer with her fingers. 

She had already eaten the fruit her mom packed for her, and the granola bar. She was halfway through her juice box when Hermes had appeared from the fire escape. He meowed at her, and she’d tried to call him over. He seemed unimpressed, refusing to move as she quietly pleaded with him in English, then Spanish. Finally, she’d wiggled to the other end of the sofa and tried to pet him from his place on the far side of the end table.

“Hermes, please! It’s good, you’ll like it,” she insisted as she tried to shove the sandwich further into his face. He shrank back, yellow eyes narrowing at her. He took a few steps away from her as she tried to reach for him. He jumped down off the table and headed into one of the bedrooms, probably planning to take a nap after a long day of lounging in the sun. 

_Stupid cat._

“I didn’t want to hang out with you anyway,” she muttered to the empty room.

Nelli was bored. Her mom had dropped her off on her way to work, and that had been hours ago. She wasn’t supposed to be here for long, her dad was going to pick her up today. Or, that’s what he’d said. 

He’d called her last weekend and told her that they were going to the zoo. Her mother hadn’t been as excited as Nelli was, but she didn’t have it in her heart to say no. Nelli watched her mom argue with her dad over the phone, and she’d stayed glued to her mom’s side the whole time. 

_“She’s MY kid. If I want to take her to the goddamn zoo, then we’re going to the zoo. You don’t get to-”_

_Nelli tuned out his voice. Her dad yelled a lot, or she thought he did. She didn’t remember for sure. She’d tugged on her mom’s sleeve, trying to make her eyes as big as possible as she whispered, “Please, Mom? Please? I’ll clean my room. I’ll make my bed! I’ll be so good!”_

_Her mother had covered the receiver with one hand, ignoring her father entirely._

_“You know how he is. I don’t want to say that you can go and then he takes you somewhere else, or he doesn’t show up, or he has one of those girls with him. It’s not good for you.”_

_Nelli shook her head furiously. “He won’t! I won’t go, and if there’s someone in the car, I won’t get in! Please, Mommy? I want to see the animals! You never take me anywhere!” The brief, hurt look on her mother’s face made her feel bad, but she’d pressed on._

_In the end, alternating glares between Nelli and the phone, she’d agreed. He was supposed to get her promptly at 10:00 a.m. and have her home by 6:00 p.m. If he was late, if he had anyone else with him, if they went anywhere other than the zoo and dinner, she was going to do a bunch of things to him that Nelli wasn’t allowed to say._

10:00 a.m. had rolled around with no sign of him. Nelli wasn’t really surprised. She didn’t see her dad often, but he was always late. He had been late picking her up last Thanksgiving, and the year before that he was late to her dance recital. She’d been surprised he’d even shown up. He didn’t really go to a lot of her things.

She tried for a minute to remember the last time she saw him before that and gave up. Her dad was more of a phone call kind of person. He called her a few times a year, and he always sounded happy to hear her voice, even if he didn’t call her on her birthday most years. He said he made her mom mad, so he didn’t try to talk for too long. Nelli understood. Every time her dad called, her mom would walk around the house cleaning things while talking to herself and slamming cabinets.

She checked the clock on the wall again, watching the hour hand climb towards 5:00. She tried not to fidget, putting the piece of sandwich back in the bag before tucking her hands underneath her legs. She let herself look around the familiar living room, where she’d learned to tie her shoes and practiced her pirouette.

There were pictures of other kids, people Nelli had only heard about. There were a few pictures of her and her mom. There was a small area decorated with pictures that Nelli had seen at church the few times she’d gone. Her mom didn’t have a lot of days off, so she slept in most Sunday mornings, despite Abuela’s nagging. 

Abuela was in the kitchen, Nelli could hear her singing quietly to herself as she cooked. She’d promised Nelli alcapurrias to go with dinner, her favorite. Her own mom didn’t know how to make them, so it was special every time. She’d kept that promise even after the girl had declared that she was going to have dinner with her dad.

Abuela had tried to invite her into the kitchen to sit with her, but Nelli had insisted on staying on the couch to wait for him. She still had her shoes on, and she had only eaten the lunch her mom packed her after Abuela had insisted. 

She’d said, _“If he wanted you to wait to eat, he would have called. He’s probably going to think you ate. He’s not going to want to stop anywhere, mija.”_

Nelli stared at the rest of her sandwich, trying to curb her nausea. She was tempted to throw the rest of it away, but she didn’t want to get up. She could see the curb from the couch, and she didn’t want to miss her dad pulling up.

She moved back to the other side of the couch, where she’d been before Hermes made his appearance, and rested her head on the arm of the sofa. She watched as people walked by, listening to their voices float in through the open window. Some of the other kids were playing tag outside, and she wanted to join them.

She wanted to be out there with them when her dad came to get her, so they could all see him. She was finally going to prove that she did have a dad, and he was cooler than all of theirs.

Her dad drove a shiny white car, and the top went down and sometimes he let her ride in the front seat, even if it made her mom mad. He bought her ice cream, and he gave her money, and she never had to eat anything she didn’t want to.

She tried to keep that in mind as she waited for him.

She tried not to think about the different girls that she saw with him, or the way they would sit so close to him, there was never any room for her. Or the way he made her mom cry sometimes, when they both thought she wasn’t looking. Or how he never knew how old she was or what her favorite color was or where she went to school, even though she told him every time. 

Nelli was so busy trying not to think that she didn’t notice she was falling asleep.

She awoke to hushed whispers coming from the kitchen and rubbed her face. She scrunched her nose as she wiped the drool from her cheek onto the couch. She went to sit up, but a soft trill stopped her. 

Hermes, seemingly tired of his solitude, was curled up next to her, looking offended. She offered him her hand, petting him when he rubbed his face on it. He purred as she scratched his chin and didn’t protest when she picked him up and sat him on her lap. He began to knead her thigh, and she could feel the hint of claws through her shorts. She was scratching behind his ears when her mom came in.

Nelli felt her heart drop. Her mom was supposed to be working late tonight. She forced herself to check the time and closed her eyes tightly against the truth. It was already 8:00 p.m. He wasn’t coming.

She felt her mom tuck some of her hair behind her ear and focused on keeping her breathing even. _There’s no reason for you to cry._

“Hey. Abuela made food if you’re hungry,” her mother murmured, sitting on the coffee table and reaching out to pet Hermes, who mewed once at her. 

Nelli shook her head, focusing on keeping Hermes happy. She was grateful for his neediness. She rubbed his back, watching him snuggle deeper into her, avoiding her mother’s knowing gaze. Her mother never said it, but the “I told you so’s” lived in her eyes.

“I’m not hungry. Can we just go home?” She asked, trying to keep her voice collected, only partially succeeding.

“Of course, baby. Let’s just say bye to Abuela, and then we can go,” her mother assured her, resting her hand on Nelli’s shoulder briefly before she got up and went back into the kitchen.

Nelli stayed with Hermes for a moment longer, burying her face in his fur. She held him tight for a moment before he began to meow and wiggle out of her grasp. She sat up, wiping her eyes as he jumped onto the floor. He rubbed against her legs as she got up, still purring. She picked up the few things she brought with her and stretched before following her mother. She walked into the kitchen, trying to put on a smile.

“There you are. Did you sleep well?”

Nelli nodded, fighting the blush that began to decorate her neck. 

“Good. I packed some alcapurrias with your mom, but there’s leftovers here if you run out. Buenos noches, Guapa.”

Nelli tried to smile back, “Thank you, Abuela. We’ll see you later.”

Nelli gave the older woman a quick hug and waited impatiently for her mother to do the same. The two of them left the apartment in silence, heading down the stairs to their own home. As soon as Nelli walked in, she headed for her room, ignoring her mom as she called after her.

She closed her door behind her, kicking off her shoes and throwing her lunch bag on the floor. She could hear her mom yelling from the other room as she hastily put her pajamas on. She turned out the light and laid down, burying her face in her pillow and trying to focus on breathing evenly. 

The door behind her burst open, “Don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you!” 

She buried her face deeper and blinked faster, hoping to get rid of the tears before she had to face her mom.

“I’m sorry,” she choked into her pillow, wincing when her voice broke. 

The bed sunk under her mother’s weight, and she felt a hand begin to rub her back.

“Yeah, you better be.”

Nelli laughed a little in her pillow, and the hand began to run through her hair.

“It’s getting long. Maybe we should cut it.”

Nelli shook her head quickly, turning to look at her mom.

“I like it long!”

Her mother studied her face, giving her a small smile and a nod. She reached out to play with one of the locks of her hair and Nelli tried to wipe the tears from underneath her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Petra.”

Nelli gave her a watery smile, shaking her head.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter,” she insisted fiercely. “I just- Mom?”

Her mother raised an eyebrow, never stopping from straightening Nelli’s hair, “Yes?”

“I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I don’t want to call him, and I don’t want him to call me.”

Nelli felt her stomach flip in an unfamiliar motion as her mother nodded readily.

“Of course. You don’t even have to think about him if you don’t want to. He’s gone.”

Nelli grabbed her mother’s hand, holding it between her own.

“Thanks.”

Her mother cupped her face, squeezing Nelli’s hand, “Of course. Let’s not think of him again. Abuela lent me her copy of Aladdin if you wanna watch with me? We can make popcorn?” Her mother elbowed her gently, wiggling her eyebrows. Nelli giggled, nodding.

“Okay, sounds good. Give me a minute?”

Her mother nodded, standing up and pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before she whispered a quick, “Love you,” as she left the room.

Nelli waited until the door closed before she reached under the bed, grabbing the picture she kept between the bed frame and the mattress. She stared at her younger self and her parents, on a beach somewhere she didn’t recognize. She took a deep breath and began to tear her father out of the picture. She placed the half with her and her mother back under the mattress before she crawled across the bed and up to the window. She set it down on the duvet as she wrenched the screen up, praying that it wouldn’t make a noise. 

It opened half an inch, and she leaned back, panting a little from the effort. She reached over to the picture, running her hands over her father’s face, taking in his smile. She pressed a quick kiss to the picture before she shoved it through the open slot, and it was taken away into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The author is still projecting.


	3. She didn't want a sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her mom nodded more deliberately and pushed her shoulders back. “The thing is, Nelli, is that I am… pregnant.”
> 
> There was a moment of silence. 
> 
> Nelli blinked twice, before a smile played at her lips and nervous laughter escaped her. Her mother quickly looked from the road to her, and suddenly the car was filled with twin peals of hysterical laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on. Tell me that Nelli wasn't a little spoiled as a kid, and definitely didn't want to share her mom with a baby. I'm also going with the fact that Isa is a freshman in college making her 18-19. Nelli was changed roughly ten years ago, meaning Isa would have been 8 when Nelli was in her twenties (the age she was when she was changed/the age she appears)

Nelli waved excitedly as the car pulled up, calling a quick, “See you later!” over her shoulder to the group of girls behind her. Her shirt rode up as she walked towards the car, and she tried to subtly shift it down before her mom could yell at her.

She’d been waiting for weeks to take this trip, and the last thing she wanted was another lecture. Low-rise jeans had come into fashion around the same time as crop tops, and her closet had been a battlefield ever since. There were few survivors.

It had been a while since she’d and her mom had done something together other than argue. Nelli had more friends than she'd ever had before. She went out after school whenever she wasn’t working, and she’d often come home and go straight to bed. Her mom was starting to get out more too, now that Nelli was able to take care of herself. Nelli would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of her mom coming home. On more than one occasion she’d had to stop herself from waiting in the living room like a disappointed parent.

It was odd to see their little world beginning to grow, and sometimes Nelli missed the days when it was just the two of them. She missed spending time curled up on the couch watching cheesy telenovelas with her mom, eating ice cream straight out of the container. She knew logically that it couldn’t stay that way. Eventually she’d move out and her mom would move on, but it was impossible to think about. It seemed like she would be young forever.

She opened the back door of the small, black sedan, taking a second to shrug her book bag off and throw it onto the back seat before closing the door. She opened the passenger side door, slamming it closed behind her as she reached over the seat to give her mom a hug. She wrinkled her nose as her mother’s hair tickled her, allowing herself a moment to bury her face into her mom’s well-worn flannel.

“Hey! Are you ready?” 

Her mom laughed as Nelli eagerly buckled her seat belt. She reached over to flip through the radio stations before settling on one playing NSYNC and turning it up, humming under her breath. She adjusted the seat so that she could lean back a little more, before she rolled down the window. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be. You know the park is going to be packed, right?”

Nelli nodded, “Yeah, but it’s going to be so much fun! It’s Disneyland! You have to get on at least six rides, by the way.”

Her mother grimaced, and she shook her head before the older woman could even start talking. “No way! You never get on anything! Besides, it’s my special weekend. You have to get on the rides with me.”

Nelli put on her best, no-nonsense face and watched as her mother mimicked her. They looked enough alike that it was a bit like looking into a mirror, except her mother had thick curls. Nelli had never been able to decide whether she was grateful to avoid the occasional frizzy mess or jealous of how full of life it made her mom look. Every movement was animated, and her mom often drew eyes when she laughed or turned too quickly.

“We’ll see about the ride situation. Actually, I might need to ask my doctor about that.”

Nelli watched as her mother stared pointedly out of the windshield, tilting her head. She reached over to turn the music down and turned to face her mother.

“Why would you need to ask the doctor? Are you okay? Are you sick?”

Tiny seeds of panic began to sprout, taking root in her chest. Everything seemed to suddenly click into place. A weekend trip was nearly unheard of, and they hadn’t been to Disneyland since Hermes had died a few years back.

She ran her eyes over her mom, trying to look for any sign of sickness. Her mother nodded in time to the music, “Oh, I’m fine. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. See, the thing is that…” she hesitated, drumming her thumbs against the steering wheel as she blew a nervous breath.

“The thing is that…?”

Her mom nodded more deliberately and pushed her shoulders back. “The thing is, Nelli, is that I am… pregnant.”

There was a moment of silence. Nelli had learned the word ‘marcato’ in one of her music classes over the years. She didn’t know why she thought of it in those few seconds, but the definition came to her suddenly. Her teacher had described it as short and marked. That’s what this was.

Nelli blinked twice, before a smile played at her lips and nervous laughter escaped her. Her mother quickly looked from the road to her, and suddenly the car was filled with twin peals of hysterical laughter. Nelli had long since adopted the Valley Girl accents of those around her, but when they laughed, they sounded the same.

“You- Pregnant?” Nelli laughed, clutching her stomach. She could feel tears beginning to pool at the edges of her eyes, and she laughed harder.

“I know!” Her mom laughed harder, swerving into the other lane a little. The car next to them honked, and they erupted into another series of uncontrollable giggles.

Her mom hit the emergency lights, and they pulled over. She put the car into park, and turned to Nelli, who watched as her mom wiped away her own tears, and couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled in her chest again. _Pregnant._

“You can’t be pregnant,” Nelli laughed. She could feel herself beginning to settle, little bursts of laughter escaping her at random moments.

Her mom giggled quietly, nodding, “I know, but I am. Pregnant. You’re going to be a big sister.”

Her mom laughed harder as Nelli felt some of the humor leave her, smile fading. She felt the heat began to creep into her neck, “What do you mean? Like, really actually pregnant?”

She watched the grin leave her mom’s face and was hit with a sudden wave of fear. Reality seemed to change around her suddenly.

“Yeah, Nells. I’m really, actually pregnant. 16 weeks.”

Nelli felt the floor drop out from underneath her. She leaned back against the door, staring at her mother as if they’d never met before. For another marked moment, they were two strangers seeing each other for the first time.

“How? How are you pregnant?” The intensity in her voice made them both recoil, but she couldn’t take the words back. The hurt that blossomed on her mom’s face made her want to apologize, take her hand and figure out how they could work through this. Instead, she raised her chin higher. 

Nelli had learned over the course of a lifetime to never let them see you sweat. And she was sweating harder than ever before.

Her mother narrowed her eyes at her, the hurt not quite masked by the anger, and Nelli promised right then that she’d never let anyone see that they’d hurt her. She wouldn’t let anyone hold that kind of power over her. 

“I mean, you’re almost 18 years old. I’d hope you knew how I got pregnant, or I failed somewhere.”

The sharp, disgusted laughter that danced between them seemed to steal the air from inside the car.

“Oh, I definitely think you failed somewhere.”

The words surprised them both. Nelli could see her own widening eyes in the reflection of the glass behind her mother. 

“Petranilla Griffith,” and the barely suppressed fury stopped Nelli from even thinking about protesting over the use of her first name, “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I sure as hell am not one of your little friends that you can talk to any goddamn way you please. I _highly_ suggest that you calm down before someone gets hurt. Cooler heads prevail. Do you understand me?”

Nelli stared back blankly, unsure if the tears forming in her eyes were from rage or hurt. She tried to will them back, not wanting to lose the upper hand by doing something as childish as crying.

She took deliberate breaths before she turned away from her mother, facing straight forward. She said nothing as the minutes ticked on, barely hearing the radio over the blood rushing past her ears and her own forced breathing.

Nelli could see her mother watching her out of the corner of her eyes, and it took everything she had not to meet her gaze. 

Her mother ran a hand through her curls, pushing the hair away from her face. She sat in silence for a moment before she scoffed, still radiating rage. She turned forward, turning off her hazards and signaling to merge as she shifted the car into drive.

“You’re just not going to say anything? Real fucking mature, Nelli. I’m so glad we could have this talk and share this beautiful family moment,” she snarked, and Nelli did her best not to shrink in her seat.

The words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. “How _could_ you?” 

The tears broke free, and before she could control it, she was sobbing. She was surprised by the depth of the hurt she felt. She’d always wanted a sibling growing up. She knew she should have been happy. Or at least, she shouldn’t have been reacting this way. She was practically an adult.

Her sobs grew louder, and she tried to stifle them behind her hand. She sounded heartbroken to her own ears, so she wasn’t surprised when her mom reached out to grab her arm. She resisted, pulling away to cry against the car door, and her mom snatched her hand back as if she’d been burned.

She could hear her mom’s breath hitch, but it still knocked the wind out of her to hear the soft, “Nelli,” that her mom breathed out, voice shaking.

Her mom reached for the hazards once more, ignoring the honking vehicles as the car pulled over again. She put it in park before pulling the keys out of the ignition and setting them gently on the dashboard, hand trembling as she tried not to touch her daughter. 

Nelli tried not to imagine her mom with her new family. It would be so easy. Nelli was going to college, they could turn her room into a nursery and her mom could start over. She wouldn’t have to be the single mom who struggled to support her family. They wouldn’t have to rely on the kindness of neighbors to get by. She could almost picture her mom packing up their apartment and leaving the neighborhood. Leaving her.

Nelli knew she looked like her mom, they were practically twins, but sometimes she could see her dad in the mirror. In her hair, in her eyes. Sometimes, when she pulled a certain face, she could see him staring back. Nelli knew her mother didn’t want any reminders. She sure as hell didn’t.

“So, what now? You’re going to have a baby and what? You’re going to leave? Do you expect me to move out? Because I will! I’m going to college anyway, so you don’t have to worry about me,” she rushed, letting the aggression push the words past the sobs in her throat.

Her mother reached over, not letting her pull away as she held one of her hands, “You know that I would never. I don’t want you to leave, no one wants you to leave. This isn’t a bad thing, Petra. It’s really not. Our family is growing.”

Her mother reached over to wipe her face as the tears began to slow, but not stop. She leaned into her mother’s touch, trying to work on keeping her breaths even. The last thing she needed was to fully freak out in front of her pregnant mother. Pregnant. Her mom. 

_What the hell?_

“I just don’t understand. We can’t afford a baby. We don’t even have anywhere to _put_ a baby,” she insisted, picking at her nails.

Her mother leaned forward, and Nelli let herself be pulled into a hug, burying her head in her mom’s shirt. She ignored her discomfort as the fabric dampened under her tears, staying close.

“We’re going to be fine. I promise. I don’t need you to worry about any of that. The only thing you need to think about is getting into a good school and helping us pick out some names. You always wanted a big family, and I could never give you that. Now I can." 

"I don't need anyone now. I'm already grown up," she said, voice muffled. She felt a hand run through her hair. 

"Oh, amor. This is going to be so good for you, you don’t even know it,” her mother whispered to her. 

She had her doubts, but as she pulled back and wiped her face, she nodded. She tried to put on something that resembled a smile, forcing the fear to the back of her mind. She let her smile crystallize, making sure it stayed in place even as her stomach swam.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I- I’m sorry,” she said, looking at her hands. She’d already picked away most of the nail polish on her index finger, and she sighed.

“It’s okay. Let’s just try and have fun. We can talk more about it when we come back,” her mother said, rubbing her leg soothingly.

“We should go, we don’t want to miss check in,” she whispered. She wiped the remaining tears from her face. She reached up, flipping down the mirror on the passenger's side, before she tucked some of her hair back. She sighed at her ruined makeup, trying to salvage her mascara as her mother picked up the keys and started the car once more.

Her mother spoke again as they began to pull off. “You’re going to love them, whoever they are. There’s nothing like it, I promise.”

Nelli thought of the aunt she’d never gotten to meet and nodded blankly, trying to keep her mask in place. 

“I’m sure I will,” she lied, looking out of the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I dramatic or is Nelli dramatic? The world may never know.


	4. She's good at math

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replied evenly. “I’ve been normal. You’re the one who’s acting strange. You’ve been jealous ever since I won, and I thought you were supposed to be my boyfriend or whatever this is.”
> 
> She’d been in the top 2% for her math SAT scores. She wasn’t the only one, but she knew she was one of the highest scorers in their district. The school had honored all the highest scoring students by posting their pictures in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the thing. I don't know how to write kissing, I realize that now. Forgive me. I also completely believe that bitchy, high school Nelli was a thing and I love her for it.

“Nelli! Hey, wait for me! Nelli!”

Nelli rolled her eyes, not looking back. The girl at her side giggled, nudging her with her elbow. 

“Nells, I think Josh wants to talk to you,” she said, smirking suggestively. 

She laughed aloud as Nelli glared at her, hissing a quiet, “As if.”

“You should talk to him. He’s kinda cute, if you imagine him without the frosted tips.”

She turned around, holding her hand up as if blocking out the bright white shocks of hair that stretched towards the ceiling of their high school. The boy had naturally straight hair that he styled sky-high. His dark roots flashed between the stiff strands, and although it was popular, Nelli hated it. She could already feel the gel underneath her fingers and shuddered a little.

Nelli grabbed the girl’s arm, keeping her from tripping over a book bag left leaning against an open locker. 

“If you think he’s so cute, why don’t you date him? Josh and Ashley. Jashley, I love it,” she mocked, twirling a finger around her ponytail obnoxiously. 

Ashley turned her nose up, sniffing delicately, “I don’t think he’s that cute. Besides, he’s way more into brains than beauty. I heard Emma K. used to do his Trig homework for him when they were dating.”

Nelli scoffed as jealousy began to blossom in her chest. “Duh. His grades didn’t just suddenly get better. And you know it has to be Emma K. because from what I hear, they didn’t get _that_ much better.”

Ashley snickered, and Nelli dropped her sneer for a small smile. She liked making Ashley laugh. They had been fast friends since freshman year, and even now, Ashley still acted like she was the funniest person in the room.

“Nelli! Hey!”

She let out a long-suffering sigh and tilted her head towards her companion. 

“I’m scared he’s going to have an aneurysm if I don’t stop and talk to him. I’ll catch you at lunch?”

Ashley grinned, yelling a quick, “Have fun!” over her shoulder as she rushed towards her advisory room. 

Nelli gave her a sarcastic smile before she started making her way towards the voice calling her. She deftly dodged through the crowded hallway, making a beeline for the eager boy.

She didn’t have to worry about missing her class. She wasn’t there half the time. Math club took up all her free time in school, and all the teachers knew she could usually be found in the lab going over practice problems.

“Hey! I was calling-”

Nelli ignored him completely, grabbing his wrist as she stalked past him. She could hear a few whistles and chuckles from behind her and prayed that people would think she was going to yell at him. She’d done is before to a few of her more persistent admirers. She dragged him down the hall and around the corner, doing a quick check before she pulled him into an open janitor’s closet and pulled the door closed behind them.

“Why the hell are you calling me? What’s wrong with you?” She demanded, shoving him towards the back of the closet and trying not to wince as he hit the shelves harder than she intended.

“Ow, Christ. Be careful,” he muttered, rubbing at the back of his head.

She arched an eyebrow at him as she tapped her foot impatiently. “Well? I told you when we started this to leave me alone when we’re in public. What’s so hard about that?”

His eyes narrowed at her as he continued to rub his head, wincing occasionally. He leaned back against the shelves, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at her.

She sighed, taking a few steps closer to him and reaching to rub his head. There was a slight bump, and she murmured a quiet apology as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She shivered as she felt the rough material of his jacket scratch against the bare skin of her lower back.

“Come on, Nelli, aren’t you tired of all the sneaking around?” He murmured into the space between them.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “Not in the slightest.”

She pulled back and kissed him, hoping that the janitor was on the other side of the building. She couldn’t afford to get caught in the closet with a boy, her mother would kill her. He returned her kiss eagerly, and she sighed, pressing herself closer to him. She could feel a familiar pulse of adrenaline start to rush through her. In these moments, it was like every nerve was humming right underneath her skin.

She tilted her head as he slowly began to work his way down the column of her neck. She could feel heat starting to spread from wherever he pressed his lips, moving into her chest and down her spine. She hummed quietly, eyes fluttering shut as she felt the ghost of his teeth, followed by a more insistent nip near the base of her neck. She let him work at her for a moment, relishing in the warmth of his breath and the pleasurable sting before she pulled away. She kissed him again chastely, hoping he hadn’t left a mark. 

He ran a thumb over his lips, trying to wipe away some of the sticky, bubblegum tasting substance she’d left behind. She deftly ran one of her own fingers along the edges of her mouth, hoping to contain any smearing. She turned, sliding her bag over her shoulder towards her so that she could reapply before anyone noticed. She heard Josh sigh from behind her and felt his hand on her back.

“I’m serious. I hate watching all these other guys all over you. I want to be with you. I don’t know what the problem is.”

She scoffed as she pulled out the thin tube and a small mirror, not looking at him. 

“The problem is I don’t want to be seen with you. I don’t know how to make that clearer,” she muttered as she touched up her lip gloss.

He huffed and ran a hand through his hair, reaching out to pull her closer. She let him, taking the few steps as she closed the mirror and the lip gloss tube tightly before placing it back in her bag. She’d once gotten some blush on her calculus homework, and Mr. Varner had been less than pleased.

“Okay, well will you tell me what’s wrong with me? Do you not like my clothes? Do I smell bad? Is it my hair? Because I can dye it back, it’s not a big deal!” 

His grip tightened on her arm as he turned her to face him, face starting to redden. He was extraordinarily pale for someone living in California, so when he blushed, his entire face was a vibrant red. She usually enjoyed it, watching him begin to glow when she brushed up against him or whispered in his ear when no one was looking. She liked seeing the effect she had on him. Now, she just thought it made him look ridiculous.

She tried to pull her arm back, letting out a quiet sigh of relief when he let her go. She pulled the scrunchie out of her hair, using her fingers to comb through it. She hadn’t bothered to check for a mark, but she threw her hair over her shoulder just in case. He watched her intensely, like he was preparing for her to try to make an escape.

“I-” She started, before looking down at the dirty tiles. She bit her lip as she tried to think of a way to phrase her thoughts that didn’t result in him breaking up with her. She didn't like him very much, but she liked his car and the way that he kissed her.

“It’s because you think I’m stupid, right? That’s it. You know, I can hear you and Ashley sometimes. I’m not as dumb as you think,” he said, tugging on his hair. 

She could feel the blood pool in her cheeks, and she hoped the dim lighting wouldn’t let him see her clearly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said innocently, eyes too wide as she started to pick at her cuticles.

He laughed bitterly, “Oh, come on Nelli. We all know how smart you are. I guess everyone was right about how shallow you are, too.”

She felt the back of her neck prickle as she scowled at him, losing any illusion of innocence. “I’m not shallow. Wanting someone with half a brain isn’t shallow, it’s like a basic requirement. It’s not my fault you can't keep your grades up,” she said, and the sweetness in her voice was betrayed by the way she curled her fists. 

“My grades are fine, your standards are just so damn high! You got that stupid fucking award and suddenly, you think you’re hot shit. You’re too good for anyone around here. Well, newsflash, your English grades are just as good as mine, _babe.”_

He wasn’t wrong. Nelli did okay in English, but it was nothing to write home about. Her papers were distinctly average when she bothered to do them. She didn’t see the point in reading Othello or Animal Farm. She really didn’t give a damn about the pigs or whatever they were supposed to be.

Her social science grades were just as lackluster. For being considered smart, Nelli really had only ever done well in two categories. Well, three if she counted Home Ec, but no one did. Especially not her mom. Who cared if she knew how to cook, or how to change a baby? It wasn’t like that was going to help her where she was headed. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replied evenly. “I’ve been normal. You’re the one who’s acting strange. You’ve been jealous ever since I won, and I thought you were supposed to be my boyfriend or whatever this is.”

She’d been in the top 2% for her math SAT scores. She wasn’t the only one, but she knew she was one of the highest scorers in their district. The school had honored all the high scoring students by posting their pictures in the hallway. She and the other students had gone to a luncheon with the superintendent, to her mom’s delight. Her friends had teased her endlessly, but she was proud. She had never really done well in school. She wasn’t built for it.

He dropped his head back, letting out a growl of frustration at the ceiling. He spoke through clenched teeth, not bothering to look at her. “That’s the thing Nelli, I _am_ supposed to be your boyfriend, but you don’t want to go anywhere with me, you don’t want people to see us together. I know I’m no 750, but I’m not as dumb as you think I am, and I just wish that you’d-”

The bell rang. Nelli cursed. She looked from Josh to the door, before taking a step away from him. “I’ve got to go. Let’s finish this later.”

He called after her, “Nelli, if you leave, there is no later.”

She froze mid-step. She tried to calculate the likelihood of him following through on his threat. She let out a deep breath as she turned around, meeting his gaze.

“We can talk about it later. I promise. I can’t be late for lunch though. I’ve already had detention twice this semester.”

He stared at her for a moment before he jerked his head towards the door.

“Later, then,” he muttered.

She whispered a quiet, “Bye,” before she hurried through the halls towards her locker, trying not to be late. She moved through the throng of bodies with ease, shoving a few people in the process. Her locker wasn’t far from the cafeteria, and she could smell the grease from the kitchen as she dropped her bag down. She put in the combination with practiced hurry, dropping off her copy of Fahrenheit in exchange for her AP Calc and Physics books. She double checked to make sure she had her homework before she made her way to the cafeteria, waving at her friends when they spotted her. 

“Hey,” she said breathlessly, setting her book bag at her feet as she sat on one of the stools connected to the table.

“Hey,” Ashley replied mischievously, leering at her. She passed Nelli a bottle of water and an apple before she leaned back, as if to take a better look at her. “You look… satisfied.”

Nelli shook her head, “I don’t think I do.”

She subtly reached under her hair, touching her neck. The blood sparked underneath her fingers, but there was none of the delicious soreness that came with a bruise. She sighed in relief and tried to pay attention to the rest of her friends as they delved back into their conversation.

“I was thinking about majoring in History. I think it’d be kind of fun! Ash?”

Nelli stole a fry from her friend’s plate as she answered, dodging the halfhearted blow easily. She nibbled on it as she tried not to think about how she was going to deal with Josh later.

“I was actually thinking about going into Communications. The college by where my dad lives is really well known for it, and he and my stepmom said I could stay with them. What about you, Nelli?”

Nelli felt her heart lurch and swallowed thickly. She grabbed the bottle of water as the table’s attention turned to her. She took a quick sip, trying not to meet anyone’s eyes. She could feel the blush rising in her cheeks again as one of her other friends spoke.

“Oh, she’s definitely going into like Chemistry, or Accounting, or some shit. Something safe and boring, isn’t that right?”

Nelli batted her hand away as it reached for her cheek, laughing a little. She shook her head, “No, uh, I was actually thinking about going for Business, or Engineering, or Fashion, maybe.” 

Her face got hotter as a chorus of ‘Ooh’s’ went around the table.

Ashley turned to her, stealing her water bottle and playing with the cap.

“Don’t do business, you’d be so bored. I heard you can get through business school in your sleep.”

Nelli took a bite of her apple, shrugging and covering her mouth as she spoke, “It’s just an idea.”

One of the other girls spoke up, “I think Fashion is a good idea for you. There’s gotta be some way to sneak the quadratic equation in that somewhere.”

The rest of the girls laughed, and Nelli felt Ashley wrap and arm around her. They leaned against each other sharing a smile at the rest of their friends. The topic quickly changed to who had droppest the latest single and which bands were the best.

Ashley turned to whisper to her as her friends began the age-old debate of Don Omar versus Daddy Yankee. 

“I really think Fashion is a good idea, Nells.”

Across the room, Josh walked in and sat with some of his friends. He didn’t look in her direction as he reached over to tease one of his friends with a book. Nelli watched the girl flip him off, smiling as she tried futilely to reach for it.

Nelli dug her homework out of her book bag, ignoring her friends chuckle. It was normal to see her going over formulas obsessively during lunch, correcting minor mistakes as she found them.

“Yeah, me too.” She muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to be coming to the end of Nelli's human life within the next three-ish chapters.


	5. She dropped out of college

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, wow, Isa! It’s so pretty!” She cooed, running a finger along the surface of what she could now see was a painting. “You’re quite the little artist, aren’t you?”
> 
> Isa nodded seriously, “I’m like you.”
> 
> Her sister had seen some of her designs over the summer, and she’d presented Nelli with a stack of color filled pages, declaring that she was just like Nelli. She hoped that she wouldn’t disappoint the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying she never went or that she never finished. I'm saying that her reaction to Victor yelling at Mark for dropping out ("Oh my goodness, leave him alone!") made me wonder how school was for her.

Nelli reached over to slam on the alarm clock that beeped shrilly at her, covering her face with one of her pillows. She groaned as she felt her head begin to throb, the sharp pain cutting through the soft confusion of waking up. 

She rolled over, peeking out from the nest of blankets to check the time. The red lights shined brightly, letting her know it was nearly 4:00 p.m. and she groaned again, cursing into the empty room.

She’d missed class again. She missed a lot of classes these days. Her first year of college flew by without much thought. She’d made friends and while her grades weren’t necessarily good, they weren’t bad. She’d picked up a part-time job waitressing to help cover her tuition.

She thought she’d been stable. Then her mother lost her job. They’d almost lost the apartment again, and the memories of spending a few months sharing a one bedroom with her mom in the crappy part of town while she was in middle school were enough to make her start taking extra shifts. She promised herself Isa wouldn’t go through that, even if she was still young enough that she wouldn’t remember.

Working as a cocktail waitress a few nights a week opened a new world to her. She was talking with people she would have never gotten the chance to meet otherwise. Rubbing shoulders with the rich and the restless allowed Nelli to sharpen skills she never thought she had. She flirted with the men, sympathized with the women, and made friends with a slew of people who looked at her and saw potential. The patrons liked her, and they tipped well, buying her drinks after her shift and occasionally offering her outside gigs. 

She’d already waitressed privately at a few venues, and she was getting better opportunities as she went deeper into their world. She’d done make up a few times for a few different people, and once she’d worked on hair in a fashion show. It was no red carpet, but it was a start. And the pay was beyond what she could dream of. She wasn’t making this kind of money working on campus and the late nights were proving to be worth their weight in gold. She’d started dressing better than she had her whole life, while still making tuition payments and having enough left over to help her mom with the rent.

Last night was one of the best nights of her life. One of the women she’d been talking to asked her to come in and do some modeling for a new line of clothing she was working on. She’d been nervous. She knew how risky it could be, but when she’d shown up to the studio, all she’d found was bright lights and new friends. She got to pose in the nicest clothes she’d ever worn, clothes that she could only hope to design one day, and got her picture taken with half a dozen other girls. She talked with her makeup artist as if she’d known him her whole life. The girl working on her hair told Nelli her skin was flawless.

She was offered drinks, snacks, and one of the other model’s offered her something extra in between shots. 

_“You wanna hit? They can fix your eyes in post.”_

_Nelli had eyed the joint curiously, fingers twitching before she offered the girl an embarrassed smile. “I don’t really do that, thanks though.”_

_The girl simply shrugged, taking another drag as Nelli went to get into her next outfit._

After the shoot, she and the rest of the girls went out for drinks. One of them slipped her a card for their agency, making Nelli promise to come see them again. They told her she was a natural. It all felt so right.

She sat up, ignoring the way the her vision swam. She sighed as she took in the dark room around her. Last year, her room was a sea of color and always filled with people. This year, she’d hardly been home enough to decorate. The few friends she’d made fell off as soon as she started working. The only people she really talked to these days were her coworkers and her mom, and she didn’t talk to her mom as much as she liked. Nelli was never able to lie to her, and the last thing she needed was for her mom to find out that she hadn’t been going to class. 

That she was failing her classes. 

Nelli hadn’t bothered to check her grades in the past few weeks. She didn’t need to. She hadn’t been to any of her classes in at least two weeks. For some, it’d been as long as a month. It pained her to open emails filled with study guides on material she’d never seen before. The only class she was scraping by in was an online math class. Her advisor told her that there was no need for advanced math in her major, so she was studying material she’d learned in high school. She was desperately bored.

She went over to the window, taking a deep breath before she raised the curtain, shielding her eyes against the blinding sunlight. She walked over to her desk, picking up a half-empty water bottle and finishing it in a few seconds. She wiped her mouth on her wrist before she pulled her hair into a messy knot at the top of her head, picking up her clothes from last night and dropping them into her hamper.

Her room was relatively clean all things considered. Her desk was organized, her calendar held all her shifts in vibrant red and her assignment due dates in blue. Her books were neatly put away, and there wasn’t a speck of dust to be seen. The bed was a tangled mass of sheets and pillows, but beyond that, the room held every indication of a responsible young adult. She tried not to think about the failed tests sitting in her top drawer.

She walked back to her desk, running her fingers over a picture of her, Isa, and their mom. The three of them were at the beach, smiling as the sun beat down on them. Isa’s mouth was blue from the popsicle Nelli bought for her. She straightened the frame on the desk, adjusting her pencil holder slightly beside it.

She picked her phone up, pulling it off the charger. She hesitated for a moment before she dialed the number she’d been thinking of for the past few weeks.

The phone rang, and she tried to resist biting her nails as she waited.

“Hello?”

She took a nervous breath, “Hey, Mom!”

“Oh, hi! What’s going on?”

“Not much. I was actually thinking of stopping by the house today. I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner together?” Nelli waited with bated breath as she heard some shuffling on the other end.

“Hold on, let me check my schedule."

Part of Nelli hoped that her mom would be too busy for her, just this once.

“If you can’t, it’s okay, I can just-”

“No, no! I’m free. Why don’t you get Isa from daycare and I can meet you guys at home?”

Nelli sighed in a mixture of relief and worry, “Sure! Sounds great. I’ll see you then.”

“Sure thing, baby. I’ll see you soon, ‘kay?”

“Of course! Love you!”

Nelli ran a hand over her hair, hanging up after saying a quick goodbye and tossing her phone onto her bed.

She stripped quickly before donning a robe and grabbing her shower caddy. Most of the other girls on the floor were in class or at work. She didn’t run into anyone on the way to the bathroom. She took a quick moment to look over herself in the mirror. 

There were bags under her eyes. Her hair was limp and unkempt. She looked as tired as she felt. She brushed her teeth quickly, praying her mom wouldn’t notice the scent of champagne coming from her pores. 

She walked over to the shower stalls, hanging her robe on the door as she waited for the water to warm up. She showered quickly, pausing only to enjoy the feeling of the water falling over her face. She could feel the weariness seeping into her bones, and she sighed as she shut the water off. 

Dinner would cut into her sleep, but she resigned herself to drinking a few cups of coffee to get through the day. It was well worth it to see her mom and try to explain how she was feeling.

She walked back to her room in silence, working through different arguments of the conversation in her head. She dressed quickly, going for a pair of jeans and a top that hung off one of her shoulders. It was the closest she and her mother ever came to a compromise on the clothes situation. 

She dried her hair half-heartedly, letting it begin to wave instead of bothering to straighten it. It would be a mess later, but she figured she would just put it up. She dug her keys out of her dresser, donning a pair of overly large sunglasses to try to save her from what was going to become a migraine if she wasn’t careful. Drinking certainly hadn’t helped that particular issue.

She made it to her car without running into anyone, stopping only to buy a coffee at the campus coffee shop. She drove in near silence, the radio turned down low. Her stomach turned as she tried to figure out a way to tell her mom she didn’t want to go to school anymore. 

She could almost see the disappointment on her mother’s face and the fighting that would follow. She didn’t know how extreme her mom would react and that’s what scared her the most. It was harder to deal with the consequences when the possibilities were endless.

The drive to Isa’s daycare took about an hour from Nelli’s dorm. She could do it in her sleep at this point, spending her first few weekends at the beginning of the school year picking the girl up for her mother. She parked near the front of the building, looking out at the toddlers on the small playground out back. It was still warm enough for them to play outside in the evenings. She popped the trunk as she got out, opening it up and grabbing the spare car seat she kept. She quickly strapped the seat in before she grabbed her wallet and walked up to the brightly colored building.

She punched in the code for the door, walking up to the desk in the waiting area between the classrooms and the entrance.

A bored looking middle-aged woman smiled at her as she walked in. 

“What can I do for you today, miss?”

Nelli opened her wallet and pulled out her driver’s license. “I’m here for Isabel Griffith? I’m her sister, my name is Petranilla. I should be on the list.”

The woman took a brief look at her ID before she handed it back, typing quickly into the computer on her desk. “Ah. Of course. I’ll go ahead and have them bring her out, you can have a seat.”

Nelli sat on the hard plastic chair, looking at the different drawings and pictures hung up around the room. The daycare went from infants to four-year-old’s, and she could see in the pictures how the children grew. Scribbles became shapes and shapes became names.

The door open and Nelli stood as she watched Isa walk into the room looking confused. Their mom usually worked later. 

“Isa! Hi, baby!” She called, opening her arms to the little girl.

She almost laughed at the comical surprise that twisted the girl’s features before Isa broke into a run, yelling something that might have been Nelli’s name. She bent her knees in preparation for the little body that threw itself at her, almost knocking some of the air out of her.

She picked Isa up easily, covering her little face with kisses. It never ceased to amaze her the trust that her sister had in her. She never once thought that Nelli would drop her. She buried her nose in the crown of curls that decorated her sister’s head, taking in the smell of her.

“It’s you!” Isa said, delighted.

“It’s me,” Nelli agreed, “Dile bye-bye, Isa.”

Her sister turned, beaming as she waved a loud, “Bye!” to her teacher and the secretary.

She shifted the child onto her hip as she left the building. The girl kept up a constant stream of nearly incoherent rambling as they walked, describing all the things she’d done that day. 

Nelli loved living by herself. She loved being where no one knew her, or where she came from, or watched her grow up. On campus, she was just Nelli. Smart, sarcastic, a little mean at times. People saw what she gave them, and it was the most wonderful thing to not be known by anyone.

As she strapped her sister into her car seat, stopping to kiss her cheek again, she felt the sense of home that only came when she was with her family. It was like she found something that she never noticed was missing when her sister hugged her, or her mom held her hand. 

She closed the back seat before she slid back into the driver’s side, starting the car and pulling off smoothly. The short ride to her mother’s house was filled with giggles, and jokes between the two of them, even if Isa couldn’t understand most of them. 

Nelli watched the girl with complete devotion from her rearview mirror, sticking her tongue out at her and pulling playfully at her shoes.

The shrill laughter made her head twinge and she was smiling so hard her face hurt, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

It was getting dark when they reached the large apartment building, and Nelli hoped that her talk with her mom wouldn’t resolve in her having to leave. She didn’t want to drive home.

Nelli got out of the car, making sure to slide Isa's bag onto her shoulder as she unbuckled the girl and picked her up. She carried her up the stairs, only setting Isa down when they were in front of their door as she fumbled for her keys. She unlocked the apartment and ushered Isa in, closing the door behind them. She didn’t know all the people here as well anymore. 

The Ramirez’s moved out when Nelli was a teenager. The couple that lived there now fought viciously six days out of the week. Her mother had already called the cops on them twice. One of the boys from two was in prison and the other was kicked out. She wasn't sure which one was kicked out, but she hoped it was the younger one. He’d always been nice.

The thundering of footsteps on the ceiling above her interrupted her reminiscing. The family that lived above them now had three future soccer stars. She remembered the soft tapping of Abuela’s cane from the end of her childhood. Sometimes, Nelli swore she was sending her messages through the floor. The old woman went to live with one of her daughters in Texas over the summer, saying that it was time for someone to take care of her now. Nelli called her every week like clockwork, but it wasn’t the same. 

She shook her head to clear her thoughts before she leaned over to help Isa take her shoes off. The little girl was too busy digging through her bag to resist. Nelli set Isa's shoes next to the door neatly before she kicked her own off. She scooped the little girl up again and plopped them both gracelessly onto the couch, chuckling at the flurry of giggles. 

The little girl pulled out a folder, opening it and pulling out a sheet of paper.

“Oh, did you make something today?” Nelli asked, holding her hand out.

Isa nodded her head, handing over the paper. “Look, Pet!”

Nelli winced a little at the nickname. Isa caught their mother calling her Petra one time, and ever since, the occasional ‘Pet’ would pop up. 

“Oh, wow, Isa! It’s so pretty!” She cooed, running a finger along the surface of what she could now see was a painting. There were random blobs of color broken up by directionless scribbles and slashes of marker. “You’re quite the little artist, aren’t you?”

Isa nodded seriously, “I’m like you.” 

Nelli felt a stab of sadness at the comparison. Her sister had seen some of her designs over the summer, and she’d presented Nelli with a stack of color filled pages, declaring that she was just like Nelli. They were neatly stored with some of her favorite designs. She hoped that she wouldn’t disappoint the girl.

The door opened, and they both turned to watch their mother shuffle in.

“I’m home!” She called, large brown bags in one arm and her purse slung over the other.

Nelli set Isa fully onto the couch before getting up to help her mother. The bags were hot, and the smell of Chinese food made her mouth water.

“We didn’t have anything to eat, so I picked up food,” she explained as she sat her bag down and hung her jacket up.

“This smells great, Mom. Thanks.” Nelli moved into the kitchen, pulling out plates and setting them on the round table where she’d learned to count and spell her name. She stroked an unfamiliar scratch, shaking her head.

She pulled the white containers out of the bags as her mother put Isa in her high chair, pulling her up to the table. Nelli made Isa’s plate first, handing the little girl a spoon Nelli was sure she’d ignore. 

Nelli muttered a quiet, “Thanks,” as her mom set a glass down in front of her plate, ice clinking on the sides. She let her mom fill a plate for herself before she reached for the food, the nerves filling her empty stomach.

Nelli listened as her mom talked about her day, humming when appropriate. She pushed the food to the edges of her plate and back, hoping that her mother would mistake it for eating. Isa babbled happily in between the silences, and Nelli was happy enough to make faces at the girl, reaching over to tickle her.

“I’m surprised you came home. I wasn’t expecting to see you till Easter,” her mom said innocently. 

Nelli nodded, clearing her throat. “Actually, there’s a reason I’m here. I, um- I wanted to talk to you about something, but I don’t want you to be mad,” she said, watching her fork make patterns in hre noodles. 

Her mother scoffed noncommittally, and Nelli winced. “Why would I be mad? My darling daughter came all the way home to see me because she loves me, right?”

Nelli nodded, “Of course. I love you very much. More than almost anything. And you love me. Remember, you love me.” Her shoulders began to creep towards her ears before she forced them back down.

“Mom, I-”

“Are you pregnant?”

Nelli pulled back so violently her chair moved. “Am I what?” She couldn’t see herself, but whatever face she was making had Isa doubled over in delighted laughter. “Oh my god, why would you even say that?”

“Well, are you? Every time I call you, you’re tired. You hardly ever eat when you come home. I don’t know what you’re doing down there, Nelli. I know how you are, and you-”

Nelli tuned her mother out. The genuine concern in her mother’s eyes was the only thing stopping Nelli from joining her sister in laughing in the woman’s face. “Mom, Mom, wait. Hold up. First of all, I’m not pregnant. Never been pregnant, and hopefully, I’ll never be pregnant. I love Isa. I don’t love kids. Secondly, what do you mean how I am? I’m not like anything. Rude. Third…” She sighed, running her index finger over the curve of her thumbnail.

“Third?” Her mother asked, looking at her relieved and curious.

“Third, I just wanted to say that maybe I don’t want to go to school anymore,” she mumbled, biting one of her fingers.

“You what? I can’t hear you with your finger in your mouth,” her mother said impatiently, leaning closer.

Nelli rolled her eyes. “I want to drop out! I don’t want to go to school anymore. There’s no point. I’m making a lot of money at my job and I don’t have time to go to my classes. And some of my clients are hiring me to do outside work, and there’s this agent they want me to talk to. I don’t think I need to go anymore, okay?” She rushed, biting at her cuticle again as soon as she finished.

“You want to drop out of college?” The neutral tone of her mother’s voice sent the blood rushing into her ears, and she was glad she’d worn her hair down. She could look as calm as she wanted, but her blush always gave her away.

Nelli nodded, shutting her eyes against her mother’s judgement. They sat in silence that was only broken by the occasional babble and sounds of clanging spoons as Isa continued to eat.

“Okay.”

Nelli peeked one eye open. Her mother was taking a bite of an egg roll.

“Okay?”

Her mother nodded, covering her mouth as she spoke, “Okay. You don’t have to go. No point in paying for something you’re not going to get any use from.”

Nelli narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “And you’re just cool with it?”

Her mom nodded as she took another bite, pausing to wipe her mouth with a napkin before she wiped Isa’s face messily.

“Yeah. Pass me the soy sauce?”

Nelli picked up a small packet, reaching over to hand it to her mom before quickly pulling back.

“And you don’t have anything to say?”

Her mom reached forward, snagging the soy sauce out of Nelli’s hand before she tore it open with her teeth and began to drizzle it over her plate.

“Nope.”

Nelli turned to face her, resting her head in her hand as she examined her mom. After a few moments, she held the back of her hand up to her mother’s forehead.

“Are you feeling okay?” She asked, trying to feel any difference in temperature between the two of them.

Her mother pushed her hand away, “Quit that. Eat your food before it gets cold.”

“Mom, you always have something to say about everything. You really don’t have an opinion here?”

Nelli couldn’t stop herself from pressing. Her mother gave her the best response she could hope for, but the panic still gnawed at her. Nelli would do whatever it took to get back into her mother’s good graces, but she couldn’t fix what she didn’t know was broken.

Her mom sighed, setting her food down and turning to look at her. “Nelli, all I ever wanted was for you to finish high school and not have any kids before that. You were so smart. So good. All I ever wanted was for you to have a fighting chance, and you do. You did it.”

Nelli blinked back the tears that seemed to dance in her eyes. Her mother reached over, brushing a hand over her cheek before she took one of Nelli’s hands in hers. She set her fork down as she continued, “Anything you do from here on out is your choice. You like your job. You make good money. Why not see where it goes if that’s what you want? I can’t live for you, you have to make your own decisions and find your own happiness. Fuck anyone who gets in the way of that. This is you exploring your life. I could never be mad at that.”

Nelli felt the weight lift off her chest. She took a shuddering breath as relief seeped into her veins, her heart starting to settle. She squeezed her mom’s hand once before pulling it back to brush underneath her eyes, wiping away the moisture there. “Okay. Okay, cool.”

She picked up her fork and took a hearty bite of her food, not looking at her mom as she tried to gather her thoughts. She would never come up with a good enough way of saying thank you to the woman who was her entire world.

Her mom stabbed a shrimp, clearing her throat. “Now, if you were pregnant, on the other hand-”

“Mom!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself these would be about 2000 words each. You can see how well I'm sticking to that.


	6. She can cook (well)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Nelli?” Isa asked in between bites.
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> Isa scraped her bowl with her spoon as she spoke. “Why can you cook, and Mom can’t cook?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no reason to believe that Nelli can cook well, but I have no reason not to believe that she can cook well so.

“Isabel! Will you please sit down? The food’s almost done,” Nelli yelled as she pulled a hot pan off the stove. She used a spatula to move the sandwich to one of the plates sitting nearby before she put it in the sink.

The little girl was dancing in front of the TV, trying to copy what she was seeing. “Hold on! It’s almost over!” she called back, not stopping to look in her sister’s direction.

Nelli huffed in annoyance as she turned a burner off, reaching over to stir the contents of the pot briefly. She leaned forward, trying a bit of the soup before she shook in more salt. After another quick check, she opened a cabinet, grabbing two bowls and setting them down on the counter. She cut one of the sandwiches crosswise, putting the bowl in between the two halves before she began filling it with the still hot soup. She repeated the process, muttering a quiet, “Shit,” as she splattered some of the red liquid on her pants. 

She set both plates on the table in front of the patiently waiting glasses before she grabbed a paper towel and began trying to clean herself up. She scraped as much of the gunk off as possible before she walked over to the sink, turning the faucet on.

“Isa!” She yelled as she ran the paper towel under water, dabbing it over her pants.

“Okay, okay! I’m coming!”

Nelli sighed, turning off the water and throwing the paper towel away as her sister walked into the room, face flushed and grinning. She grabbed a few napkins from the counter, passing one to the girl as she sat down.

“Tomato soup and bacon grilled cheese,” she supplied before Isa could ask.

The girl scrunched her nose, staring suspiciously at the bowl as she began to stir it with her spoon. “Is it the kind Mom makes, or did you make it?”

Nelli laughed under her breath, “I made it. And Mom doesn’t make soup, she buys it.”

The girl picked up half of her sandwich, dunking it into the soup before taking a bite. They ate quietly, the sounds of the TV occasionally coming in from the living room. 

“Hey, Nelli?” Isa asked in between bites.

“Yeah?”

Isa scraped her bowl with her spoon as she spoke. “Why can you cook, and Mom can’t cook?”

Nelli nearly choked on her soup, covering her mouth as she half-coughed, half-laughed. She pushed her plate away, reaching for her glass and taking a sip. Part of her wanted to tease their mother. The woman had never been able to cook, and most of Nelli’s memories of homemade food were from the apartment above them.

She set her glass back down, trying to think of the best way to explain. She turned in her chair a little, and Isa sat closer, giving Nelli her full attention.

“So, you know how Mom doesn’t have a lot of family, right?”

Isa nodded, “She doesn’t have any. Only us.” 

“Right. So, Mom didn’t have a lot of family growing up. She never really learned how to cook because no one taught her.”

Isa seemed to consider that for a moment. Nelli knew more about her mother’s past than she ever wanted to.

_It was an accident. Nelli was snooping through her Mom’s closet, looking for Christmas presents. She was old enough that she didn’t need to stay with Abuela every time her mom went out. The moment the door closed, she ran to her mom’s room. It felt wrong. She was tempted to turn around, but her curiosity pushed her forward and through the door._

_The first place she looked was the closet, going through old duffel bags and shoe boxes. She’d found pictures of herself as a baby. There were old pictures of her parents, both of them, in a box that held her birth certificate and her social security card. There was a little pink blanket at the very bottom, and Nelli could faintly remember dragging it around nonstop for months._

_She tucked everything back inside the box as neatly as she could, hesitating before she put away the last picture of her and her parents. The last thing she needed was to get caught breaking the most important rule of their house. She picked up another box, opening it to find more pictures. At first, she thought she was looking at herself again, but the picture was old. The girl was sitting on the lap of a man, and next to them was a woman and an older girl._

_Nelli picked up the picture, looking closer. The older girl looked less like her, but they could have been cousins. She was sure the girls in the pictures were sisters. She set the picture down, looking underneath at the other scattering of pictures and yellowed newspaper clippings. She spent some time going through the photos of the family. She saw birthday parties, confirmations, tea parties. She knew her mom didn't have parents, but she always thought her mom was born without any. Not that she had some, and then lost them. She got halfway through one of the articles before she heard the front door open and scrambled to put everything back as her mom called for help to bring in the groceries._

“Where did her family go?” Isa asked.

“Doesn’t matter. The point is they’re gone, and she can’t cook.”

Isa frowned, and Nelli shrugged. She didn’t like lying to her sister, but she was willing to do whatever it took to keep the girl happy and safe. The death of her mother’s family didn’t help her do either.

“How did you learn how to cook if Mom can’t cook?”

Nelli smiled, “Abuela taught me. I was always with her when I was little, and she showed me how to make all kinds of food.”

“The lady with the cat?”

Nelli nodded. There was a picture of the four of them (Nelli, Abuela, her mom, and Hermes) hanging in the living room. “She taught me everything I know. Cooking isn’t just about recipes. It’s about learning how food works.”

Isa finished her soup, using the remains of her sandwich to wipe the bowl clean. “Will you show me?”

“Show you what?” Nelli asked as she wiped the girls chin, huffing as the child squirmed.

Isa pushed her hand away, “How to cook. I don’t wanna eat Mom’s food forever.”

Nelli thought about it for a moment. Isa was still too small to use the stove unsupervised. Nelli shuddered at the thought of the clumsy girl trying to cut anything with the viciously sharp set of knives she got her mom last Christmas. They were gorgeous. The ridged blades gleamed beautifully against the dark wood of the handles. There was no way Isa would be allowed anywhere near those. Nelli sighed. There wasn’t much Isa could make on her own that she didn’t already know.

“I don’t know. You’re still little and-”

She was cut off by an indignant, “I am not!” Isa furrowed her eyes at her, and Nelli realized how ridiculous she must have looked to her mother growing up. The childish rage was adorable, but Nelli knew how quickly it could turn into a meltdown.

She held her hands up, “You’re right. I’m sorry, you’re not little. I just don’t know if you can use everything you need to cook.”

“But you could just show me! I have a family, I should know how to cook!”

Nelli drummed her fingers on the table for a minute before standing up, gathering the dishes and putting them to soak in the sink. 

“I have something we could make,” she called to Isa as she started going through her mom’s kitchen, pulling out ingredients as she found them. She grabbed a bowl and filled it with water, putting it in the microwave to heat up for a few minutes.

“Really?” Isa said, immediately standing up to trail behind Nelli as she went through every cabinet, and the fridge. 

“Really. Have you ever heard of ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ cookies?”

Isa pulled a face, “What kind of cookies?”

“They’re cookies, and you can put whatever you want in them. Chocolate, candy, chips. Anything.”

Isa seemed skeptical. “Chips don’t go in cookies. Chocolate goes in cookies.”

Nelli pulled out a bowl from under the counter and reached into a drawer to get her mother’s measuring spoons. 

“That’s the good thing about these cookies. You can put anything in them.”

Nelli made the recipe a few times before, so she didn’t need to look anything up. She started measuring ingredients out into different containers on the counter. The microwave beeped at her, and she grabbed a towel to pull out the bowl. She dumped the water into the sink and placed the hot bowl over a stick of butter she had resting on a plate.

“If your butter is cold and you need it at room temperature, this is how you do it so that you won’t melt it too much.” She told Isa, watching as the girl took mental notes.

“Can I add the stuff in the bowl?” She asked, trying to make her eyes wide and pouting a little. Nelli wordlessly handed her a measuring cup full of flour, grabbing a chair for her to stand on. “Thank you!”

Nelli watched as the girl began to pour the dry ingredients into the bowl, handing her more as she ran out. She tried to explain the way that fats and acids came together to make good food as they worked. She grabbed a second bowl for the wet ingredients and tried not to cringe as the child spilled milk and then egg on the counter. 

Together, they decided on the special additions. Nelli went for mini M&M’s while Isa threw in a handful of Fruit Loops, looking to Nelli for approval. Nelli chopped marshmallows into rough chunks as Isa crushed up a few chips, giggling to herself.

“I have to do this next part, but after that we need to let them chill for at least an hour. Why don’t you go pick out a movie?” Nelli suggested as she plugged in the old metal beaters her mom hid under the sink. 

“Okay!” Isa said, running towards the living room. There was the sound of a small crash, and Nelli paused for a moment, listening for any crying.

“I’m okay!” Isa yelled.

She shook her head and laughed as she started to beat the two mixtures together. After a minute or so, she scraped the sides of the bowl down before pouring in the toppings they’d picked out, mixing it one more time by hand. She covered the mixing bowl with a dish towel and set it in the fridge before she gathered all the dishes. She could hear Isa talking to herself as she washed and dried everything they used, and the occasional plastic click of a DVD case as she went through their collection. 

Nelli dried her hands on her pants before she went to check on her sister. The little girl had taken all the blankets off her bed and created a nest on the couch. Isa reached her hand out for her sister, patting the space next to her as the TV advertised Fastplay. Nelli carefully climbed over the mountain of pillows, easing herself down next to her sister. Isa cuddled into her immediately, resting her head on Nelli’s chest. 

Nelli kissed the top of her head. “What are we watching?”

“Meet the Robinsons,” Isa replied, voice muffled as she pressed her face into her sister’s shirt.

Nelli hummed interestedly. She’d heard of it, but she hadn’t seen it. She let her head rest back on the couch, looking over at the time to make sure she knew when the batter would be ready. Her mom wouldn’t be home until the next day, so Nelli wasn’t worried about running too long. They had all the time in the world. 

On screen, a woman carried a bundle in the rain. They both watched as she left the squirming baby on a doorstep. Nelli found herself drawn in. She watched with unusual fascination, completely engrossed in the story. She nearly jumped when Isa spoke.

“Will we always be a family?”

Nelli looked down at the girl, whose eyes were locked on the TV. Her voice sounded small, and Nelli mentally cursed at herself for bringing up her mother’s family. It took weeks for her to stop panicking when her mother ran late coming home. When she finally broke down and told her mother what she’d seen, hearing the entire story only made things worse. She’d had nightmares for days. She pulled the girl fully into her lap.

“Of course, we will. Always.”

“Do you promise?” Isa asked, and there was no mistaking the tears in her voice.

Across from them, a boy began to desperately build a machine that he thought would bring him home.

“I swear.” She murmured, rubbing the girl's back soothingly.

“No matter what?” Isa insisted, pulling back to look at her sister seriously.

She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were glistening suspiciously. Nelli wiped at her face, catching the tears before they could fall.

“No matter what happens, I’ll always be your family,” she promised.

Isa nodded, leaning back into Nelli, her head crushing her ribs. Nelli sighed and held her close. She had no intention of leaving her family behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are coming to the end of our time with human Nelli. One more chapter, then we get more faces we recognize. I really hope you enjoyed my take on her family. Creating a (human) family for her brought me so much joy.


	7. She didn't indentify as bi when she was human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nelli shook her head. “We don’t have to dance anymore. We can stay right here. I just need a quick favor, and then I’ll owe you one."
> 
> The girl considered this as she sipped her drink. Nelli took a quick glance out of the corner of her eye to find the man still watching her, not bothering to hide his interest. 
> 
> “Fine. What do you need?”
> 
> In response, Nelli leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the chapter I was most nervous about. Cynthia has never commented on Nelli's sexuality, and most of the fandom writes her off. Annabelle is the main wlw rep. I get it. She showed no real (romantic) interest in women, and the people she chooses to have those kinds of relationships with are men. I have no idea how she indentifies now, but I thought this would be a realistic interpretation of her behavior as a human. Please feel free to disagree with me and let me know if I've overstepped because I'm not bi and I don't want to be hurtful or insulting in any way.

Nelli handed the bartender a twenty, telling him to keep the change. She licked some of the salt off the rim of her glass before downing the shot. She winced a little, shaking her head before biting the lime that came with it and putting it into the glass. She set the empty shot glass down, picking up the other drink she ordered. 

She took a small sip as she surveyed the chaos around her. The club was nice. It was new to the area, and even in SoMa, it stood out. The bartenders were all fast and friendly, working as a team to keep up with the growing number of customers. Her drink was delicious, and she sipped on it as she watched the crowd.

Everyone was dressed to the nines. It was what she’d come to expect for club attire but scaled up. The short dresses and skirts were obviously designer, and the clean suits and neatly-pressed dress shirts of the men screamed expensive. A crown wouldn’t have seemed out of place, and half of the bodies glimmered in the low club lights. The music pulsed around her and people swayed in time with it.

She made her way back to her friends, noting the security team that moved around the club with a single-minded focus. Dressed in all black, they reacted to any strange noise, spill, or rowdiness instantly. She watched them walk up to an arguing couple, shutting down the fight in moments. The couple separated, and as she walked past, she could hear the security guard warning them to keep things civil or to find somewhere else to be. Her friends started calling her name as she got back to their table, climbing the small staircase that led to the elevated seating area separated from the bar and dance floor.

They’d spent all day shooting for a new line, and the designers had been so pleased with them, the couple invited the models to go out for drinks. Nelli worked with them before a few times, and instantly agreed. The woman was snarky and would buy her drinks, keeping her entertained with fashion horror stories. The man would usually point out someone to keep her company for the night. They had excellent taste. 

She sat down and was immediately pulled into a huddle. Some of the other models were giggling excitedly, whispering to each other as she leaned in to find out what was happening.

“Did you see him?” One of her friends hissed in her ear.

She took a sip of her drink, searching for the mystery person that had her friends in a tizzy.

“See who?” 

From across the table, a different girl chimed in, “There’s this guy! He’s over there, and he’s been staring at you since he walked in!”

She turned to where her friend was pointing and saw instantly who she was talking about.

The man was staring at her, that much was clear. He was devastatingly handsome. He had a strong jaw and radiated casual confidence. Nelli leaned forward, trying to get a better look at him. His eyes seemed to glow yellow underneath the club lights, but that only made him more intriguing. He wore a dark suit with his hair carefully slicked back. Even surrounded by a group of beautiful people, he stood out. Nelli thought that one or two of them might have been private security from the way they hovered. 

Nelli felt the urge to get closer. He was the most interesting man she’d ever seen. She couldn’t keep her eyes off him, and even though she heard people talking to her, she didn’t know what they were saying. She gripped her friend’s leg under the table to keep herself in place. The man smirked at her before he turned his attention to one of the people besides him.

“Who is that?” She asked breathlessly.

The other girl shrugged, “I’ve never seen him before. Maybe Jill or Brian would know?”

“Switch seats with me?” 

The girl acquiesced, and Nelli barely let her out before she got back in, crushing herself into Brian’s side. He smiled, raising his glass at her before taking a small sip. She waved at Jill before she leaned over to talk to him.

“Hey, have you ever seen that guy before?” She asked, talking loudly over the music.

Brian glanced over, then nodded his head knowingly. “Yeah. Mr. Pierce? Prince? Something like that. He’s like a talent agent or something.”

Nelli thought that Prince suited him well. Brian stared at the man then back to Nelli. She batted her eyes at him innocently, taking another sip from her drink.

“Is he around a lot?” She asked, turning again to look at him from behind her glass.

He was in the middle of a conversation with a large, well dressed man. They seemed to talk quietly for a moment before the other man took off, making a wide circle around the dance floor. He disappeared beyond the crowd, and Nelli turned back to see the mystery man looking away. Her heart raced.

“I’ve seen him a few places before, not often though.” Brian leaned closer to her, speaking directly into her ear. “If that’s who you want, you’re going to need to put on a show. You’re not the only one looking his way. You’ve already got his attention, make sure you keep it.”

He smirked at Nelli, and she nodded once in understanding. Brian had never steered her wrong. She took a moment to finish her drink before she turned back to her friend.

“Wanna dance?” She murmured into her ear.

Her friend pulled away from her, “What about the guy?”

Nelli gently pulled the girl’s drink from her hand, taking a sip for herself before she sat it on the table.

“I’ve got it covered. Dance with me?”

The girl frowned at her empty hand before she nodded, sliding out of the booth and reaching to help Nelli stand up. Nelli pulled the girl around the edges of the dance floor, trying to find the best place to be seen without making it look as though she wanted attention. The last thing she needed was for some handsy wanna-be to ruin things.

Her friend leaned to whisper in her ear, “Miss Griffith, I’ll have you know I usually make people pay me for a show.”

Nelli turned around, letting her back press against the other girl’s chest. 

“I’ll owe you one,” she said over her shoulder.

The other girl snorted, unimpressed.

The club was warm, and she could feel herself heating up as they started to dance. Nelli could only imagine how they looked. She could feel the black fabric of her dress clinging to her as she moved, the waves of her hair shielding her face. She felt good. She almost forgot about the performance she was putting on as she swayed in time to the beat, the gold glitter of the other girl’s dress scratching against her.

The DJ kept a steady beat as he mixed different songs, switching from Brittney Spears to Ray J to Pussycat Dolls. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but it worked somehow. She didn’t get to dance often, even though she loved to. Most of the men she found herself with were more than happy to keep her comfortable at a table until they were ready to leave. They were too afraid to lose her to someone else. It wasn’t often that Nelli had to work for her prize.

They danced together for a few songs. Nelli made sure to make a show of how well they fit together. She could feel his eyes on her. People were staring, people always stared when she moved, but the feeling of his eyes on her were distinct. It was as if he could see her clearly from across the club. 

Nelli turned to look at him as her friend began to lead her off the dance floor, complaining that she was tired. Nelli could feel the day's work catching up with her, and didn't protest. He was watching her openly, eyes hungry. She winked at him before she made her way back to their booth.

She slid in first, handing her friend a random drink off the table as she sat down. She leaned over to Brian, who was in the middle of a quiet conversation with his wife. “How was that?” She asked.

He turned to her, nodding his approval. “It was good. I could only see some of it, but all eyes were on you. He’s got your number, love. You just need to bring it home.”

She pulled back, tilting her head as the alcohol settled in her system. “What else is there?” 

He grinned wickedly at her, raising an eyebrow before he gestured back to the girl she’d danced with for the past half an hour. He blew her a kiss and understanding washed over her.

She patted him on the shoulder clumsily, whispering, “Thanks,” before she turned around to face her friend.

The girl looked alert, even through the exhaustion that brought her back to the booth. Nelli watched as she took another sip of the drink Nelli’d handed her. She hadn’t recognized it at first, but looking closer, she realized what it was. _Perfect._

“Darling,” Nelli said, pulling the drink from the girl’s hand and stealing some for herself. She didn't like vodka most nights, but Red Bull was exactly what she needed to keep going.

The girl took it back when she was done. “You always do that. You’re the prettiest girl here, just get someone to buy you a drink,” she whined.

“You know what? I’m working on that right now. Would you mind helping me again?”

The other girl ran a hand through her hair. “Can we wait a few more minutes? My feet hurt.”

Nelli shook her head. “We don’t have to dance anymore. We can stay right here. I just need a quick favor, and then I’ll owe you one.”

The girl scoffed. “You already owe me one.”

Nelli rolled her eyes. “Then, I’ll owe you two.”

The girl considered this as she sipped her drink. Nelli took a quick glance out of the corner of her eye to find the man still watching her, not bothering to hide his interest. Nelli let her eyes flicker to the other girl’s mouth.

“Fine. What do you need?” 

In response, Nelli leaned forward and pressed their lips together. The girl made a soft sound of surprise, before she reached a hand up to cup Nelli’s face. 

Models kissed sometimes. In between shots, or while changing, it wasn’t unheard of for someone to try to even out their lip gloss or get more color if the makeup team wasn’t pulling its weight. She was used to the quick brush of lips to help her look her best. This wasn’t that. There was no innocence in the way Nelli fused herself to the other girl.

Nelli had only really kissed one girl before this, and she didn’t know if it counted. Her mind quickly compared Ashley to the girl in front of her. She’d been drunk both times, but the situations were wildly different. Kissing your best friend on a dare was different from kissing a coworker to get a guy to talk to you.

Nelli curled her fingers in the girl’s hair, keeping her close. Nelli knew she could be demanding, but the soft hums coming from the other girl made her think there wouldn’t be an issue. The girl melted into her, and Nelli was eager to see how far she could go. She took a quick breath before kissing her again, trying to fight the light headedness that overtook her as the adrenaline kicked in. She thought faintly that the girl tasted like strawberries underneath the vodka.

She wondered in the back of her mind if there was supposed to be a difference between kissing guys and girls. Both of the girls were warmer. Softer. She felt less like she was being devoured and more like she was being explored. Beyond that, they felt the same. The girl bit at her lip, and the heat that spread through her felt the same, too.

She knew logically that there was a difference. If there wasn’t, people wouldn’t be so up in arms over who could marry who. She wondered if there was a difference for other people who tried it. There were no bells or sudden realizations as she compared the two in her head. The girl was a good kisser, one of the best. Nelli didn’t think she could convince herself that it meant less because she was another girl.

Her eyes flutter closed, and she let the heady feeling of want mix with the alcohol. Nelli slipped her hand down, cupping the back of her neck. She felt the girl run her hand up the open back of her dress, and there were sparks where fingers traced over her skin. Her heart started racing, and she felt the heat begin to pool in her stomach. She was distracted enough to not notice the man walking up to their table until he cleared his throat.

She pulled back, using one hand to wipe at her lips, trying to focus on anything other than the soft swelling of her friend’s mouth, and the glassy look in her eyes.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude. I was just wondering if I could buy you ladies a drink,” he said. She recognized him as one of the men from the table, the one who went to walk around. 

She fought the urge to tell him to wait. She didn’t feel done, and the subtle hunger that had crept up on her was asking for more. She smiled prettily instead. “Absolutely, darling. What’s your name?”

He smiled at her, and she was hit with a sudden sense of unease. 

“Chauncey. And my friend over there is Mr. Price. He was wondering if you’d go with him upstairs, Miss," he paused for a moment. "I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

Nelli tilted her head towards the private balconies, considering her options. She’d been up there once, and the security was even stricter. If she even looked uncomfortable, they’d be all over him. Nelli squeezed her friend’s hand under the table, and let the man help her up.

“Griffith. Nelli Griffith.”

Behind her, she could hear Brian whistle lowly. He called after her as she walked away and the last thing she heard was, “Be careful, girlie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd think that as an accomplished lesbian, writing girls kissing would be easier than writing a straight couple kissing, but you'd be wrong. How do mouths work?


	8. She's cleithrophobic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew logically that someone would come and check all the rooms before sunrise. All the bodies had to be taken care of before morning. She was guessing it would only be a few hours, but the walls were already closing in on her. 
> 
> She tugged at the handle as she tried to call through the door, “Hello? Is anyone out there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me. I was halfway through and then suddenly it changed directions entirely. If you are coming from tumblr, I'm sure you see why that this.

“Hello? Help!”

Nelli forced her hearing to sharpen, listening out for anyone heading in her direction. She pressed her ear to the door and waited. She could hear music coming from the main hall, wincing as the bass dropped and the crowd roared. She dropped Heightened Senses. 

If she listened to that level of noise for too long, she would go deaf. She pressed against the thick metal door again. It moved a little under her unnatural strength, but she wasn’t strong enough to force it open. 

She turned to look for anything that might help her get out. The closet was blessedly clean, if a little plain. There were half-used cleaning supplies on some of the shelves, and in one corner sat a mop in a bucket. It would have looked like any other closet to someone who didn’t know better.

Nelli was familiar with rooms like these. They were mainly for the Nosferatu, or other kindred that liked to play with their food. From the outside, a steel door hid lead-lined walls behind a key card protected entrance. It was smart. It kept mortals where they wanted them and didn’t let anyone else unwittingly stumble across the sometimes messy aftermath. 

It also meant that Nelli was fucked.

She knew logically that someone would come and check all the rooms before sunrise. All the bodies had to be taken care of before their morning sleep. She was guessing it would only be a few hours, but the walls were already closing in on her. 

She tugged at the handle as she tried to call through the door, “Hello? Is anyone out there?”

She leaned against it, trying to come up with a plan. The metal was warm against her cheek, and she closed her eyes and stopped breathing as she gathered her thoughts. She didn’t need to breathe, so there was no use hyperventilating.

She vowed that as soon as she freed herself, she would find Donna and make her pay. She wasn’t sure how, but if she had to spend one more night looking at her smug face, she was going to burn the city down.

She wanted to kick herself for even believing the woman in the first place. Chaz hated feeding in private. He loved putting on a show. Even if he was feeling particularly depraved, his habits took him to a bedroom or to the basement, where others could watch. She’d joined him in both places, and even if he occasionally got in trouble for it, it wasn’t enough to push him to one of the specialized feeding rooms.

Nelli hated small spaces at the best of times. She’d managed to get herself stuck in a chest when she was a kid, and never lost the fear that came with being trapped. She was strong enough to break through most restraints these days. Windows and normal doors posed no challenge, but this was a room designed to keep people in.

She let herself trace a nail around her lips. She hadn’t bitten her nails in years, but the temptation was there. She didn’t even want to think about what Chaz would say if he found her with a broken nail. He already thought she wasn’t trying hard enough.

She brushed off her dress, pushing off the door to pace around the small room. She only had to stay calm for a few hours. She ignored how her silent heart seemed to come to life at the thought. She wished she had her phone on her, but she figured that was the point. Donna had caught her off guard, and left her with no way out.

Nelli was almost impressed. She didn’t think the woman had it in her. And to lie about Chaz’s orders were unheard of. He played no part in their little game, warning them that if their pettiness ruined his reputation, the pain of their embrace would seem like child’s play.

Nelli wondered how angry he would be if she screamed until someone let her out. Particularly loud mortals were dealt with quickly. He would be mortified. One of his childer being stupid enough to get locked in a closet and then screaming like a brat for the world to hear would knock him down a peg. She was immortal. Being stuck wasn’t supposed to scare her anymore. It should have been a minor embarrassment, and here she was seriously debating making a spectacle.

She didn't know if it was fear or hate that drove her to consider it.

She took a deep breath, trying to hold off as long as she could before she drew any unwanted attention to herself. She cleared a small space on a counter near the back of the room and pushed herself up. She made sure the fabric of her gown didn't catch on anything. She’d designed it recently and was hoping to make some minor improvements if she ever got out of the hell hole she was trapped in.

She smoothed her hair out, making sure all of her carefully constructed curls were well defined. She touched her earrings, feeling to make sure they dangled straight. She felt a bit like a bird, constantly preening and smoothing her feathers into order. She imagined Chaz as a peacock and nearly snickered, the fear dampening her humor.

She began to swing her feet lightly, letting the soft thud of her heels against the wood lull her into a mild state of oblivion. She focused on counting the sound, keeping her movements as even as possible. Nelli was good at counting. 

She kept counting until she felt one of her heels threaten to give way. She pulled it off, rubbing at the scuff that had formed. Most people wouldn’t have noticed it, but the things surrounding her these nights would be more than happy to gossip about even the smallest of imperfections.

She started counting all the things on the shelves, doing basic formulas comparing the ratio of bleach-based products to natural cleaners. She tried to find the circumference of the floor cleaner before she got annoyed with herself.

She kicked off her other shoe, dropping them both on the floor. The room was becoming overwhelmingly hot, and her Beast snarled impatiently. Vampires didn’t do well in heat. She struggled for a moment, trying to stop the monster in her chest from attempting to break down the door, consequences be damned, and she felt as the Hunger began to build in her.

_Fuck._

She decided that maybe if she sat still, she’d feel better. Perhaps the space wouldn’t be so small if she didn’t move. She closed her eyes, allowing her body to fall into its natural state. She was a corpse now, even if she was pretending not to be.

Her thoughts raced inside her head as she maintained her rigor mortis.

_I am going to kill her. I’m going to strangle her or burn her or hit her with a car, and then, I’m going to kill her. Stupid fucking bitch. Stupid fucking Chaz._

She tried not to think about why no one noticed she was missing. Paulina was probably glad she was gone. The last thing Paulina wanted was another designer in their midst, especially since her own work was so ordinary. Rex hadn’t come for reasons beyond her, saying he had business in the south part of the city. At this point, Donna had to be showing off for Chaz somewhere.

Nelli thought she was probably doing a good job if Chaz wasn’t looking for her. He didn’t keep tabs on her, but when he wanted her, he found her. He seemed to be able to sense where she was sometimes. She’d wondered more than once if he’d bugged her phone, but she knew better than to ask.

She jumped down suddenly. The issue wasn’t the smallness of the space, she didn’t mind small spaces. She’d been in far too many packed dressing areas and waiting rooms to care. The issue was she couldn’t get out. She was trapped. 

She began pacing again, bare feet blurring as she moved unnaturally fast. She counted the letters in her name, and then Isa’s name, and then her mom’s. She started computing limits, taking problems she knew by heart and replacing the parts with the different pieces of her identity. 

How far would Petranilla Griffith need to be reduced to fit into the equation?

She knew the answer to this particular problem by heart. Petranilla Griffith would have to be reduced into Nelli G. She would have to give up a name no one bothered to learn to pronounce, pick up the vapid accent of those around her, and turn her heart into a glacier. She would have to abandon her family, give up her literal life, and spend every moment of every night fighting for the attention of a man who looked at her like she was scum. Then, and only then, would she be worth loving. She wished her dad could see her now.

The door opened.

She froze, almost tripping over her shoes as her attention went to the hideous creature stepping into the room.

“Oh, shit. My bad, I-”

She reached down to grab her shoes before she pushed past him and into the freedom of the hallway. The mortal he carried reached for her as she passed, pleading for help. She ignored them both. She moved supernaturally fast, heading towards the private bathroom in the back of the floor.

This wing of the mansion seemed empty, which meant there was a show happening somewhere. She didn’t want to think about who was performing. The bathroom was empty, and she hesitated before locking the door behind her.

She turned the water on, reaching for a napkin to try to clean up her shoes. She looked in the mirror to check on her hair, surprised to find that she was crying. The vitae was eating at her foundation, smudging her mascara. She sighed in annoyance. _There’s no reason for you to cry._

She dabbed at her tears, hoping to salvage some of her makeup. Her bag was on the other side of the building. There was no chance she was going to make it without being seen. She tossed the napkin away, grabbing another to work on her shoe. She was able to get it cleaned up again without trouble, pausing every few minutes to wipe away the steady flow of tears. She couldn’t seem to make herself stop crying, and it was aggravating.

She could hear the Beast growling in her ear. She didn’t think she would ever get used to the sound. Her fangs began to prick at the inside of her lip. She needed to feed before she could even think of doing anything else. The staff was attending to the guests, and the feeding rooms were packed with people who would be sure to tell Chaz about what they saw. She was considering going back to the closet and sharing with the Nosferatu when the sound of clicking heels caught her attention.

“Nelli,” a familiar voice sang in the hallway.

She and her Beast snarled in unison. She contemplated staying quiet for a moment before she unlocked the door, cracking it open. If the woman wasn’t smart enough to figure it out, that was her own goddamn problem.

Nelli didn’t have to worry. The hinges creaked as Donna stepped in, smirking as she shut the door behind her. Nelli regretted not putting her shoes back on. Donna had at least 6 inches on her naturally, and she hated having the other woman look down at her. Donna held one hand behind her back as she spoke, and Nelli focused for a moment, taking in the rich scent of leather mixed with her own perfume before relaxing. “There you are, darling. I was beginning to worry.”

Nelli laughed bitterly, “I’m sure you were.”

Donna nodded seriously, “Yes, I was nervous. You’ll have to forgive my intrusion, I went looking for you and stumbled across this.” She put her hand out, Nelli’s bag hanging from her fingertips. 

“I’m sure you just happened to find it,” She said flatly. Nelli snatched the bag from her, immediately looking for her concealer. 

“I did. And I’m sorry to say I may have gone through it.”

Nelli wiped away the rest of the blood on her face, taking stock of the damage as she spoke. “I don’t think you’re sorry at all, but I don’t really care.”

Donna sniffed the air delicately, “I didn’t think you’d cry, Nelli. Chaz always said you were better than that, but I guess it wouldn’t be the first time he’s been wrong about you.”

Her fangs dug into her lip more insistently. “You found my bag. I have it now. Thanks. Get the hell out,” she said through her teeth, trying to calm the monster rattling at its cage.

Donna stepped forward, brushing a lock a Nelli’s hair behind her shoulder. “But see, I found something else while I was looking for you.” She reached into her dress, pulling out an older black phone that Nelli recognized instantly.

She opened her purse, running her fingers through the lining and feeling for the tear. She reached into the space between the outside of the bag and the silk of the main compartment, finding nothing. Chaz told her to get rid of it after he embraced her, but she couldn’t bear the thought of abandoning her sister, even if they couldn’t see each other again.

Donna leaned down, lips curved wickedly. She spoke directly into Nelli’s ear. “Isa looks just like you, don’t you think?”

Nelli moved without thinking, her Beast finally gaining control. She pushed Donna against the door, sinking her fangs into the other woman's neck. The younger kindred struggled for a few moments before she gave in to the pleasure of the Kiss.

_More, more, more._ The voice chanting in her head pushed her beyond taking the last mouthfuls of warm vitae. It was the best thing she’d ever tasted. Maybe the best thing to ever happen to her, better than any flavor or sensation she’d ever experienced, kindred or human. Something in her nature made her stay at Donna’s neck, trying to get everything out of her. Nelli almost passed out at the sudden wave of euphoria that overtook her as she took a few ounces of something indescribable from the still body in front of her.

She let the woman drop to the floor, panting. Her head felt as full as she did, and everything seemed to reorient itself inside of her. _What the hell?_

She staggered towards the mirror, using the sink to support her weight. Her mouth was smeared with red. Through the reflection, she watched the body begin to decay. She shook her head, starting the water and trying to clean the blood from her hands. She’d broken a nail.

She wiped her mouth, trying to get adjusted to the crowded feeling that she didn’t understand.

A voice whispered in her ear. _Nelli, what did you do?_

She tried not to scream.


	9. She drunk calls people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She spoke without knowing what she was going to say. “If you’ll excuse me a moment, I need to make a phone call.”
> 
> There was the barest hint of a slur in her voice and Abrams smirked at her, still tapping his foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter. I had the worst writers block and this chapter almost sent me to the final death. The next one should be better, but take this for now. Stupid chapter.

The Hollywood and Highland was buzzing when she arrived. Abrams was hosting a show of some sort, and the line to get in the club wrapped around the block. She took stock of the patrons. All young, and eager to join Hollywood's elites. She almost pitied them. There was nothing for them here.

She walked past the line, the bouncer recognizing her immediately and lifting the rope. She winked at him as she passed, watching as his cheeks darkened. She stepped into the club, making a beeline for the private elevator. She stayed on the edges of the crowd, letting the dim lighting and smoke act as cover as she moved. Nelli loved being the center of attention, but Abrams had a way of making her time with him well worth the privacy. 

The elevator was off to the side, almost unnoticeable to the untrained eye. The only thing that gave it away was the severe-looking woman in the black suit, preventing people from moving past her. The security guard at the elevator let her up without any issue. She’d been here before, and they all seemed to be getting used to her. Some of them still stared, most people did, but they seemed to begin to move past her unnatural beauty. A few of them even spoke to her normally. It was nice.

The elevator hummed, soft club music playing in the background. Three of the walls were a nearly black stainless steel, and the back wall was a full-length mirror. She turned to face it, straightening her blouse. It was black mesh, with a solid piece of black fabric hiding her chest. Her skirt was a vibrant red suede, with silver buttons. The crisscross pattern of her tights did little to hide her legs before disappearing into her ankle boots. She adjusted her necklace before she turned to face the elevator door again. 

She made sure to dress up for him, and he always showed his gratitude. Sometimes against that very mirror. She smirked to herself.

There was a soft ‘ding’ as the elevator stopped, and she walked out into the second-floor lobby area. There were a series of private rooms on this floor, and she knew where Abrams would be waiting. The tap-tap-tapping of her heels on the tile mimicked the way she knew her heart would race if she started it.

She approached one of the dark doors, knocking once.

“Come in.”

She opened the door, stepping into the dim room. Abrams sat on one end of a sofa, scrolling through his phone. He slid it into his suit pocket as he stood to approach her. He closed the distance, stepping with her as she backed up against the door. He reached behind her, and she heard the gunshot click of the lock. 

She smiled at him pleasantly, ignoring any unease she felt. “Baron Abrams.”

He put one hand against the door on the side of her head, caging her between himself and the entrance. He reached down, grabbing her hand and pressing a soft kiss to it. “Miss G, you look ravishing tonight. Simply exquisite. I don’t know how you expect me to share you with anyone else.”

He pushed himself back, running his eyes over her. She let him lead her back to the couch. He took a seat, and she made sure she sat close to him. She learned early on that he didn't like any space between them. She appraised him as she sat. His jacket hung around his shoulders attractively, and she stopped to admire her own handiwork. Abrams was the first of their kind to wear her designs, and her heart started all over again every time she saw him.

“Thank you, Isaac. I have to say, you’re looking rather dapper yourself. Is there a special occasion I’m not aware of? Aside from whatever else is happening here tonight.”

He draped his arm on the couch behind her, and she let the length of her leg graze his. She thought she heard him purring quietly. She could smell the sandalwood of his cologne as the fan spun overhead. It was neutral and pleasant, flushing out the lingering scent of the club from her nose.

The room was lit by wall sconces on either side of the black leather couch. The chandelier above them barely gave off any light, glowing a molten red. There was a marble coffee table sporting a bouquet of long-stem red roses. The dark wood of the floor contrasted nicely with the white rug underneath their feet, and Nelli could see a few dozen bottles behind the counter at one end of the room. There was a kitchenette in all the upstairs rooms for private parties. She knew there was a sink back there, and an ice machine. 

The window behind the couch gave them a view of the gorgeous Hollywood and Highland intersection. She turned to stare at all the passersby for a moment, watching them weave in and out of the few shops that were still open. She could see an empty retail space among the stores that decorated the street. She could almost picture her designs in the window, and she sighed. _One day._

“It’s always a special occasion when you’re in my arms,” he said, winking at her. She refrained from rolling her eyes at him, shaking her head lightly. She almost laughed at the playful smile on his face. They didn’t get to spend a lot of down time together, so in these easy moments his teasing was incorrigible. 

She leaned into his arm, letting her fingers play over his bicep for a moment. “You’re not wrong, but I assume there’s something more to it than that?”

He grinned at her, and she saw the barest hint of a fang gleaming back at her. “There might be. Depends on how the night goes. Would you like anything to eat? I’m finding myself a bit peckish, and it _is_ a party.”

“I could eat,” she murmured, running a finger along his face. She felt him shiver under her touch and supressed a grin. He pressed another quick kiss to her hand, before he stood and walked over to the intercom that was next to the door. She drowned out the drone of his voice, looking out the window again. There wasn’t a single cloud in the night sky. The moon hung full and heavy, and if she didn’t know better, she would have sworn she could touch it if she jumped high enough.

Abrams walked over to the bar and started going through the bottles. He set a bucket of champagne on ice on the counter for her before he put some ice in a shaker, pouring a sharp smelling liquid over it. 

She got up, placing the bucket on the coffee table next to the roses before she squeezed past him, grabbing champagne flutes for their guests. He began to pour drinks into chilled glasses he’d pulled from the freezer, and she considered setting out snacks. There was a soft knock on the door. 

Abrams walked over as Nelli made her way into the private bathroom that was through a door next to the fridge. 

She listened to Abrams greet their guests as she double checked her lipstick. She could hear the pop of the champagne bottle being opened as she tucked her hair into place. She straightened her beret, and then walked back into the kitchenette area. Abrams was handing a handsome man a glass, talking jovially about his bartending skills. There was a blonde girl sitting on the couch sipping from a champagne flute. Nelli tilted her head at Abrams as she passed, stopping only to grab the remote next to the flower vase and turn on some music. She tried to go for something upbeat, but quiet. More than a few times she’d chosen something too slow and had scared their meals into thinking they were doing something more intimate. As if they needed the company.

She set the remote back down. She smiled at the girl and tilted her head towards the counter. The girl nodded once, and they moved over to where the men sat. Abrams smiled at her as she approached. “Darling, I got that for you.”

He gestured with his glass to the girl behind her, although most would've assumed he was talking about the champagne glass in her hand. She blew him a kiss. “I noticed. What makes you think I wouldn’t prefer what you’re having?”

“There’s something special in my drink. I think yours is better suited to your preferences.”

The man stared at his drink suspiciously for a moment, before he took another cautious sip. Abrams laughed, and started talking about absinthe as Nelli let her senses expand. She could smell the sweat from the warm bodies in the room. The man’s cologne wasn’t nearly as nice as Abrams’, but it was warm and spicy. It reminded her of cinnamon almost. She could smell the chemicals that seemed to come from his pores. The acrid chemical scent was floating off his drink, too, and stronger than what was already on him. All of that was overpowered by the distinct, smoky scent radiating off the girl behind her.

She nodded appreciatively. “You’re right. I hate absinthe. Thank you for getting that for me,” she said, offering him a polite smile for their company.

She took a seat at the counter, squeezing in between the mortals, letting their warmth radiate into her skin. She loved how warm they were. It was intoxicating. The dark-haired man turned to look at her, and she could already see the effects of whatever drugs he was on in his eyes, pupils blown. Abrams put a hand on his shoulder, drawing him back into conversation. Nelli mouthed her thanks before she turned her attention to the girl beside her.

Abrams wasn’t an addict. He didn’t even really partake often, but he did enjoy the occasional flavor enhancers in his food. Abrams had introduced her to a buffet of new sensations she could enjoy without consequences now that she was immortal. He preferred uppers. Sometimes, she’d watch him pour a cocktail of pharmaceuticals into his guests before he drank. 

She’d tried his mix before. She wasn’t a fan. The energy it gave her made her move faster than necessary. She’d nearly broken the masquerade heading to the bar. She had her own vices. Alcohol was always good. Ecstasy could be fun every once in a while. She hadn’t been an avid smoker as a mortal, but there was something about the way it calmed her blood now that appealed to her. 

The girl smiled shyly at her, letting her finger play with the condensation on her glass. Nelli let some of her mask fall away, entrancing the girl into believing she was the most important thing in the room. Behind her, she could hear Abrams’ sharp intake. She almost chuckled, letting her eyes close as she gathered herself.

“Hello, darling, what’s your name?” She asked, batting her eyelashes as the girl blushed.

She had beautiful blonde hair, long and curled expertly. Nelli would thank Abrams again properly later. He knew she was a sucker for blondes. Her eyes were bloodshot and green, and the gold shimmer of her eyeshadow made them pop. Nelli could feel them tracing over her in amazement.

“I- Hi. I’m- You’re so beautiful. Look at you,” the girl murmured in wonder, finger still making patterns on the glass.

If Nelli was human, she would have blushed. She was used to being complimented. Her looks had only enhanced since her embrace, but there was something about the reverence in the girl’s voice that made her turn away. It’d been a while since anyone genuinely complimented her. Nelli reminded herself that it was just Awe, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.

“Thank you. You’re precious. Would you mind getting the bottle for me? I’m told it was a gift.”

The girl nodded shakily, “Of course.” She slid off the stool and walked over to the table, grabbing the bottle from the bucket and a second glass. She set them both down in front of Nelli before she took her seat, taking a moment to finish off her own champagne. 

Nelli poured herself a glass before she filled her companion’s again. “Drink up, please. I would hate for this to go to waste and I’m not very thirsty.”

The girl tried to chug her glass as gracefully as she could, drinking so fast that Nelli worried she was going to choke. A thin bead of champagne rolled from her lips to her chin. The girl wiped it away with the back of her hand, looking away from Nelli, embarrased. Nelli laughed quietly to herself, hiding her smile behind her hand. She took the empty glass, replacing it with her own. The girl looked from Nelli to the glass before she picked that one up and chugged it too. Nelli felt the faintest little tug at her heart. The girl was young, probably barely twenty-one, and eager to please. She was watching Nelli with a nervous smile, and she was so responsive, it made Nelli wonder how far she could push the girl. She had half a mind to keep her. It was only the thought of herself looking at Chaz the same way that stopped her.

She could hear Abrams talking lowly behind her, and out of the corner of her eye, she watched the men move to the couch, sprawling out next to each other. They weren’t touching, but Abrams was clearly in the other man’s space. Nelli turned back to the blonde. “I have to go to the bathroom. Come with me.” It was an order, and as expected, her friend took orders well.

_So compliant. Daddy would be proud._

Nelli twitched slightly at the voice, not stopping as she began to half-drag the other woman into the single bathroom. She could feel guilt beginning to gnaw at her and forced it back. She wasn’t going to hurt the girl. She promised herself that much.

The moment it closed behind them, Nelli pressed the girl into the door. She was gentle, but firm. The girl didn’t put up any resistance, the alcohol making her a little off balanced as she stumbled back into the wood. Nelli could smell the smoke mixing with the perfume and reached up to run her nose along the side of the girl’s neck. She was hungrier than she realized.

“Oh. Wow. This is a lot for me,” the girl whispered, looking down at Nelli with something that was either anticipation or fear. She gently put her hands in between them, forcing Nelli to take a step back. “You’re very pretty, but I don’t think I can do this. It’s just a lot.”

Nelli frowned at the girl. The blonde was obviously into her. There was chemistry there, and Awe was still up. At this point, it should have been impossible for the girl to refuse her anything. Either Nelli was losing her touch or the girl was far more overwhelmed than she was letting on. Nelli took a deep breath and ignored the growling in her ear. She nodded. “That’s okay. We don’t have to do anything. Just stay here with me a minute, okay?” She tried to think of something to tell Abrams.

She watched the relief blossom on the girl’s face and there was a stab in her chest. She wondered how many people had bothered to listen to this girl the first time she asked them to wait. Or how many had gotten annoyed with her. Nelli could turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ faster than the eye could blink, but she didn’t want to force herself on to people who weren’t prepared to give themselves willingly. It was ironic, really. She worked as Abrams’ assassin, sometimes spying on people for him. Forcing herself on people to get what she wanted didn’t bother her 95% of the time, but getting information was different than feeding from someone who didn’t feel in control of what was happening. Especially with her preferred method of feeding. She didn’t want to be like Chaz anymore. She racked her brain for a compromise that would suit them both.

The girl let her head rest against the door, taking deep breaths. Her eyes closed, and Nelli could see her pulse thundering in her neck. For a bleak moment, she thought about feeding from the girl anyway. She didn’t want what the girl thought she wanted, but the thought still made her stomach churn. She was about to pull herself away when a hand wrapped around her wrist, holding her there. “Would it still be okay if I kissed you?” The girl mumbled. The Beast snarled gleefully. Nelli sighed in relief.

“Of course,” she murmured. She wasn’t used to feeding this way yet, but she thought she could pull enough blood from the girl’s mouth if she tried. The girl was hesitant and inexperienced, but Nelli didn’t pay attention to that. She carefully broke the skin of the girl’s lip, abusing it with her fangs until it bled. It was a slow process. Nelli made sure to check on the girl as she fed, watching for signs of discomfort or pain. As time went on, she could feel a soft haze filling her head. The alcohol was delicious on her tongue, and she felt her limbs getting heavier. The younger girl seemed to grow tired, and as soon as she felt a reduction in her hunger, she pulled away.

“Why don’t you go sit down? You’re not looking too well.” 

The girl nodded shakily, stealing one last kiss before Nelli helped guide her out of the bathroom, trying not to stumble. She led the girl to the couch where her friend was fast asleep, head on Abrams’ shoulder. Abrams looked up from his phone, grinning at her as she left the girl to curl up with the sleeping man. 

“You certainly took your time. Was it good?” He asked.

He was tapping his foot rapidly. She could almost see it blur as the effects of the blood kicked in. She knew that he’d be standing soon, walking around the room rapidly as he spoke. Abrams was never as excited as he was when he was on something. It was amusing to see the serious man let his guard down a bit. She was grateful he trusted her.

She smiled at him, trying to make herself appear sober even as she felt time beginning to slow around her. She spoke without knowing what she was going to say. Her voice always seemed to get away from her when she was like this. “The best. If you’ll excuse me a moment, I need to make a phone call.”

There was the barest hint of a slur in her voice and he smirked at her, still tapping his foot. He waved her away, looking back to check on the girl that was beginning to slump on the couch. 

She walked into the hallway, taking measured steps as the room shuddered around her. She went into another private room down the hall, wincing as she turned on the bright lights. She thought she was far enough away to talk without being heard. She turned on some music to muffle her voice and pulled out her phone. She dialed her sister’s number with shaking hands. 

The phone rang for an eternity. When she was human, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears whenever she was high. The silence was far more soothing, and she let herself hum to the music until her sister picked up. Isa's voice was rough with sleep. "Hello?”

When Nelli first found out her sister had a phone, she thought Isa was too young. Now, it was her only lifeline some nights. She felt like she was going to cry hearing the girl for the first time in weeks. She texted her often, but didn’t get a consistent response.

“Hi, baby. It’s me.”

She could hear Isa’s muffled groaning, “It’s like midnight.”

Her throat was thick. She wanted to laugh for some odd reason, and for a moment she was distracted by the way phone calls ruined the pureness of sound. She tried to focus. “I know. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

At first, she thought the bitter laugh was her own. It sounded like her. She’d been bitter a lot the past few years. The tears escaped when she realized the sound came from her sister. It echoed in her head for a few moments, and Nelli thought she was too young to sound so jaded.

“I’m fine. I’ve been fine this whole time you’ve been too busy getting famous to come see us.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my…“ She hesitated. She didn’t like lying to the girl, but that was what their relationship was built on these days. Or whatever was left of it. She could picture the sweet girl she’d left behind and could only imagine how she’d grown.

“Yes, it was. You decided to move, and not to come see us. It doesn’t matter. I have school tomorrow. I’ll talk to you later.”

Nelli felt panic seizing her. Her hearted seemed confused as to whether it should beat or not. “Wait, wait, wait! Hey. I’m sorry. I’m coming home soon. I promise.”

There was silence on the other line so long, Nelli thought she’d hung up. She let out a choked sob, covering her mouth with her hand. She tried to stay focused, fighting the haze.

The soft sound of a tearful voice was the only thing that stopped her from throwing her phone.

“Do you really promise?”

She was talking before she could stop herself. “Of course, I promise. I’ll come see you tomorrow night, no matter what it takes. I might come late, though.”

She had no idea how she was going to be able to get within a mile of the city without Chaz knowing, but she hadn’t broken a promise before.

“Okay. I have to go back to bed. I have to get up early. I love you, Nelli.”

Those three words were worth every moment of panic and hardship she was going to face trying to get back home. She focused carefully as she said her goodbyes. “I love you too, kid.”

She hoped it would be enough.


	10. She's colder than most kindred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you noticed she’s cold? Like, she’s physically colder than the rest of us?” She asked, watching Nelli out of the corner of her eye.
> 
> Victor nodded, “Oh, yeah. She’s freezing.”
> 
> Annabelle threw her hands up. “Ha! I told you. You’re cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are officially two-thirds of the way through this. I'm thinking this'll be done by next week at the lastest. Also, welcome back to the rest of our coterie! I miss writing them more I thought.

Nelli sighed as Annabelle misplaced another one of the decorations she kept on the shelves in her office. She put away the sketch she was working on, shutting the notepad into a draw as she got up from her desk. Her patience was thin, and she frowned as she walked over to move the marble statuette back into its proper place.

The girl had barged in unannounced, complaining about being bored. When Nelli told her to go find Jasper, she’d whined that he wasn’t here. Annabelle had walked in circles around her office as Nelli tried to come up with a few design concepts for the upcoming summer collection. She wasn’t set on a theme yet, so the designs she had weren’t cohesive. 

Arachnophoria had taken long enough to get off the ground, but now that it was out, the ideas were flowing. She was already coming up with new ideas for the next perfume line, though she didn’t have a name for it yet. With the way the rest of the group was teasing her, she didn’t think she’d settle on one until the end this time. There was also the matter of the jewelry line, which she’d been hinting at for a few weeks now. The prototypes were going to give her a headache one of these nights.

Annabelle grabbed a framed photo of her and Victor on the red carpet. “When was this?” She asked, fingers smudging the glass.

Nelli took it from her, gently wiping it on her blouse. “Six or seven years ago, maybe? It was an award show we were invited to.”

She set it back on the shelf, making sure it was straight. Annabelle hummed, running her fingers over some of the books. “So, you just work here with Victor? Or do you have your own office for fashion and stuff somewhere else,” she asked, not looking up.

“I mainly work here. I have an office at Griffith, of course, and a home office. I have a design studio in my main store, too, but I like to run things from this office. Our legal team is more comfortable here.”

Annabelle nodded absently. She reached out for a book. Nelli recognized it instantly. It was something her mom had picked up for her when she was in middle school, _La casa de la laguna_. The pages had yellowed over the years, and there was a crease in the spine from all the times she’d read it. 

Nelli reached out, grabbing Annabelle’s hand before she could pick it up. She could hear the sharp hiss of air as Annabelle, pulled away, shaking her hand. “Jeez, Nelli. Why are you always so cold?”

“Excuse me? I’m not cold! I just don’t want you touching all my stuff if you’re not going to put it back. And there’s no way that hurt.”

Annabelle shook her head, squeezing her hands together as if to warm them up. “No, I mean like you’re actually physically cold. You’re freezing.”

Nelli scowled at her, rolling her eyes. “We’re all cold. We’re dead, remember?”

Annabelle didn’t look convinced. “Come on, let’s ask Victor.”

She wrapped an arm around Nelli’s wrist, being sure to keep her jacket between their skin. Nelli cringed as the dirty thing touched her. “Why do we need to ask Victor?”

“Because he would know if you’ve always been cold.”

She followed Annabelle down the winding staircase to the main floor of the Maharajah. Victor was working on repairs to the dance floor now that the Blaine situation was taken care of. She could see him and Ib talking quietly at the bar, watching the repair people work. Victor sat comfortably on a stool while Ib stood, seeming almost impatient.

“Hi Ib!” Annabelle yelled from the stairs. Ib smiled back, waving at the both of them before she said something to Victor. He nodded at her, before he handed her a file folder and she began to head for the back of the club.

“What’s happening here?” He asked as they approached. Annabelle pointed to Nelli, who scrunched her nose back.

“Have you noticed she’s cold? Like, she’s physically colder than the rest of us?” She asked, watching Nelli out of the corner of her eye.

Victor nodded, “Oh, yeah. She’s freezing.”

Annabelle threw her hands up. “Ha! I told you. You’re cold.”

Nelli glared at him, “Do not encourage her. And I am not cold!”

Annabelle grinned. “I knew it. You felt like ice to me, and ice doesn’t even melt in my hand anymore. It’s kind of weird, actually. Have you noticed that?” 

“You get used to it,” he said, taking his phone out and shooting off a quick text.

“I can’t be that cold, or people wouldn’t let me near them,” Nelli protested. She didn’t know why she was arguing with them. It wasn’t like being cold was a bad thing and it wasn’t the first time she’d heard it. There was something about the determined look on Annabelle’s face that made her want to push, to keep her attention away from everything else that had happened. The shorter girl had been sullen after what happened at the Succubus Club. It was a gross waste of life, even by Camarilla standards. 

Adjusting to death wasn’t easy without witnessing a mass murder. The darkness of it all was clearly starting to get to the girl. Annabelle had been healthy and alive one day, and gone the next. Not being able to see the people she loved and being surronded by monsters every night was taking a toll on her. Nelli liked seeing the playful side come out in her. 

Victor shrugged, putting his hands up. “Well, you're you. Look at you. It doesn’t matter how cold you are when you look like that, and trust me. You’re cold. Even when we’re using Blush, you’re still cold.” He turned back to Annabelle, “Her toes are cold too. Like ice cubes.” He shuddered a little.

Annabelle looked between the two of them for a moment, and Nelli was grateful she couldn’t blush. “I had poor circulation, okay? I’m guessing dying didn’t make it any better.”

Annabelle turned to face her. “Do you feel cold? Like, do you need a jacket or something?”

Nelli sighed, giving her an amused smile. “I don’t feel cold. None of us can feel the cold anymore, in case you forgot.”

Annabelle considered that for a moment before she turned away from them, walking over to one of the security team members watching the repairs. “Could you please bring me some blankets? Like, big ones? Thanks!”

The man nodded, exchanging a confused glance with the other guard before he walked towards the elevator. Nelli looked at Victor and he shrugged back. “There’s no use in telling her it won’t work,” he said, leaning out of his chair and dropping his voice. “Just let her have this.”

Nelli moved in closer to him, humming her agreement. Annabelle walked away, heading towards where she knew the kitchen was. “She’s still so young,” Nelli murmured. “I don’t know how we’re going to get her through this.”

Victor rested a hand on her shoulder, “She’s learning. She’s got us and Jasper to keep her head on her shoulders. She’s a little idealistic for my taste, but she’s good. She can handle this.”

Nelli pulled away from his hand, moving to sit next to him. They waited for Annabelle, taking the blankets from the security member when he came back down. Nelli set them on the bar behind her and debated going after her. There was no way Annabelle could have gotten hurt, but worry started to build in her.

Annabelle had wormed her way into Nelli’s heart. She wasn’t sure when, or how, but she could feel it now. She wondered how Annabelle was when they weren’t together. She worried when the girl was late. More than once she’d fallen asleep thinking about her, and how they were going to protect the people she loved.

It took her off guard. Nelli didn’t care about people quickly. It took her years to get to where she was with Victor, even though he’d been patient, and kind, and caring from the beginning. He was one of the people she cared about most in the world, but that was after knowing him for almost a decade. Chaz had worked his way in through force, using his abilities to make her pretty and compliant. Nelli didn’t think it counted.

Annabelle was a wrecking ball. She left gaping holes in Nelli’s defenses. Nelli could feel herself softening with each passing night. She was kinder to Jasper. She wanted to be closer to Victor. Annabelle was pulling the skeletons out of their closets and stringing them up to make a family. 

Nelli didn't know if she even knew what she was doing. It didn’t seem like the first time Annabelle had built a family, but was that just a facet of her personality or was it something she worked on? Annabelle could turn most people who didn’t hate them into trusted allies with a charm that even the most accomplished Toreadors could never achieve. Nelli wavered between jealousy and pride when she thought about it for too long.

Annabelle came back from the kitchen, carrying a large, stainless steel pot. She nodded to the blankets as she made her way towards the elevator. “Will you carry those for me? My hands are full.”

Nelli picked up the thick stack of blankets before she followed behind Annabelle. She looked over her shoulder to find Victor still sitting, sending another text. “Aren’t you coming?” She called.

He shook his head, offering her a troubled smile. “I’ve got business to take care of. You guys have fun.”

She frowned at him. “Okay. Let us know if you need anything,” she said quietly. 

“Bye, Victor!” Annabelle yelled over her shoulder. The security guard pushed the elevator button for them, and Nelli spent the short ride wondering what Annabelle could be up to.

She led Nelli back to her office, setting the pot down on the floor. It was filled with aluminum foil wrapped cushions of some sort. Nelli felt a prick of fear for her clothes.

“Sit down, please,” Annabelle said, shaking the blankets out and laying one on top of the carpet. Nelli sat down primly, still watching her suspiciously. “Take your shoes off, too,” Annabelle added as she draped a blanket over Nelli’s shoulders.

Nelli sighed, kicking off her dark heels and wrapping the blanket more tightly around her shoulders. It was soft and thin, and she made a mental note to get one for her own house. “This won’t make me warm. You know that, right?”

Annabelle hushed her, taking out some of the rounded aluminum squares and going through her desk until she pulled out a roll of duct tape. Nelli leaned away from her as she approached, raising an eyebrow.

“Just trust me. Please,” Annabelle asked, tearing off a piece of tape and securing the square to the blanket. It was hot, nearly boiling. It took Nelli a few seconds to realize that the squares were Ziploc bags filled with water. Annabelle had a way of making her want to laugh and groan at the same time.

“If you make a mess…” Nelli threatened. Annabelle hushed her again, taping a few more of the makeshift heat packs in place before she layered on another blanket. The packs were near her lower back and around her waist. There was one on either arm, and one directly in the center of her back. 

Annabelle placed one in her lap. “Try to keep that close so that you don’t freeze Victor to death in the middle of the night. Day. Whatever. Ellenore has cold toes, too, and she wakes me up sometimes. Or she used to.” 

Nelli watched as Annabelle’s face clouded a bit and reached out a hand for her. Annabelle held up one finger before she wrapped the last blanket around her own shoulders and sat on the blanket next to Nelli, curling up next to her.

“You’re ridiculous,” Nelli said, telling herself that the warmth running through her was from the heat packs.

Annabelle carefully rested her head on Nelli’s shoulder. “And you’re warm. I guess we all win,” she murmured, eyes closing.

Nelli smiled at the peaceful look on the girl’s face. “I guess we do.”


	11. She's touch aversed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were security team members standing quietly in front of Victor’s office door, and he nodded to them both as he dropped her hand to pull out his keys.
> 
> She flexed her fingers as he opened the door. He didn’t have a tight grip on her, but she wasn't used to the constant contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a moment in Teardrop (S2, E4) when Chaz announces that he's the Herald. Victor puts his hand on Nelli's shoulder and without looking out she grabs it and holds it. It's the first time I can remember seeing her initiate that with him. She reached out to him more after that point, I believe, so I wanted to write about it. We see her touching people to seduce them or to hurt them, but never just because.

Victor offered Nelli a hand as they walked into the club. The meeting with the Nosferatu was fresh in her mind. She didn’t even want to think about what Imalia was going to do to her fall collection.

They’d already dropped off Jasper and Annabelle. Jasper was anxious to get back to his Labyrinth, as if Golden was going to get there before him. He acted as though Victor was going to take the deal as soon as he left the car, despite Victor’s assurances. Annabelle asked to be dropped off at the college. It’d taken most of the ride home, but she finally found the rat she’d stolen. 

Nelli practically jumped into Victor’s lap when she held it up, trying to put as much room between herself and the tiny beast as possible. As much as she’d come to like Ramona, she hated the Rat Pack. Annabelle was trying to talk the creature down as she left the car, heading towards the sanctum to bring Ramona her prize.

Nelli was tempted to go home. She needed to talk to Greg about how they were going to deal with Chaz. They’d already spoken at length about the different ways they could get rid of him. Greg was a better tactician than she was. He looked at the details of a plan and was always looking at the different outcomes of a scenario. She could see why he’d done so well with Special Affairs. He was no Ib, granted, but he was hers and that made it better.

She’d turned to ask Victor to drop her off when she saw the look in his eyes. He always tried to keep a positive face when the others were there, but she could see that the war was starting to get to him. There were deep shadows under his eyes, and he stared out of the window wordlessly. She’d leaned into him, telling herself that she had the rest of the night to plan. Spending a few more hours with him while he tried to cope wouldn’t hurt anyone.

The Fiona situation had put him even more on edge. If she didn’t trust Abrams as much as she did, she would’ve asked about it. Victor was the Baron, but she was his partner. They were on the same team. As much as she tried to blame Victor for losing the territory, she knew there was nothing he could have done. Markos would have killed Annabelle if Jasper hadn’t gotten to him first, and Victor wouldn’t let any of them take the fall alone. Despite what she’d said, she knew him. She was suspicious, but she trusted Victor. If she and Jasper were monsters, then Victor and Annabelle were lights in the dark.

Bailey opened the door for them as they entered. Victor ran a thumb over the back of her knuckles, thoughtlessly. It was scary the way he could read her sometimes. She didn’t have to say a word. It was like her emotions radiated off of her at a frequency he finally figured out how to dial into. Whatever was happening between them was starting to click into place. It was like someone putting in the last piece of a puzzle. It made sense before, but it was complete now. She could see the big picture.

They made their way to the elevator in silence. She could see the gears turning in his head, and she squeezed his hand without thinking. He turned to look at her for a moment, before he squeezed back. She wanted to say something. He was clearly at a loss for what to do. A war was around the corner, and he still wanted to try to talk things out. It wasn’t going to work. They all knew, but there was no use telling him that. She could only hope his wish for peace didn’t get him killed.

The elevator doors opened smoothly, and they stepped into the hallway. The Maharajah was still dark. It felt like it had been weeks since the club had seen any life. It felt like she was walking through a corpse sometimes. There were security team members standing quietly in front of Victor’s office door, and he nodded to them both as he dropped her hand to pull out his keys.

She flexed her fingers as he opened the door. He didn’t have a tight grip on her, but she wasn't used to the constant contact. He turned on the lights as they walked in, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the back of a chair before he sat down on the small love seat that was pushed against the wall near the door.

He clasped his hands together, pointing at nothing as he thought. She went to the small closet in the corner of the room, picked out a pair of emergency heels, and changed her shoes. Her boots were covered in whatever was underneath the cemetery, and there was no saving them. She placed them into the box, trying not to touch them before she walked them back out of the door.

“Would you get rid of this for me?” She asked.

One of the guards nodded, and she whispered her thanks as she went back in, closing the door behind her. She watched Victor for a moment, taking in the focus on his face. He looked out over the office. She could tell he wasn’t seeing anything in front of him. She wasn’t sure if it was better to let him drift, or to bring him back to reality.

Nelli sat down next to him, and she wasn’t surprised when he reached over the hold her hand again. She tried not to worry. Victor talked a lot. All the time. She spent what felt like years of her life listening to him talk about anything that came into his head. His silence was telling.

There were only three instances that she knew of where Victor would stay quiet, the first being when he was sleeping. She was sure that if it was possible for them to talk in their sleep, he would. It was in his nature. The second was when he had just woken up. He would mumble, “Good night,” at her when she woke up, but he was content to sit in silence until he was ready to start the evening. She’d asked him about it once, and all he said was that he was taking in what was happening. The third was by far her least favorite. Victor was quiet when he was thinking very seriously. It was rare, but when it happened, something unpleasant usually followed.

She let him rub the back of her hand with his thumb as he thought. She didn’t want to interrupt him, but she couldn’t help herself. She reached out to him, letting her fingers skim his jawline. He didn’t look at her, but he tilted into her touch for a moment.

She wasn’t sure what to say. She knew the Nosferatu were valuable, but Jasper would never go for it. He was right. Once they got in, they would never really leave. She didn’t pretend to know what Eva would think, but she didn’t believe the pale girl would be much happier. Nelli wasn’t looking forward to working with Imalia either, but it would be worth watching Chaz suffer. Or she hoped it would be. There was something about the thought of Chaz dying that filled her with a confusing mix of dread and glee.

_You wouldn’t,_ a voice whispered in her head. She didn’t have the heart to disagree at that moment. As confident as she sounded, Nelli wasn’t sure. It scared her. It was Chaz. Her Chaz. Or maybe he was never her Chaz, but it’d felt like it at one point. He had loved her. Or maybe he never did, but he still chose her. She hated him. She might have still loved him. She wasn’t sure.

She felt gentle pressure around her hand, and she turned to see him watching her. She hadn’t realized she was holding his hand as tightly as she was. Her knuckles would have been white if there was any blood in them. He offered her a half-smile and she did her best to smile back.

When they first met, she never thought she’d get used to him touching her. He was polite, of course. He always asked first.

_“Are you ready?” He asked, straightening the collar of his jacket as the car pulled around the front of the club._

_She put away her compact, “Yeah. Are you nervous?”_

_He shook his head, “Not at all. It’s going to be silky smooth, you watch.”_

_She scoffed lightly. Outside of the SUV, lights flashed. They could hear the voices of the crowd as the driver got out to open their door. The security team was already moving to keep the crowd back for their grand entrance._

_“The premiere isn’t until the end, right?” She asked, trying to figure out how much time she had to wander until she had to be back. She was in the video, which meant she had to make an appearance after it played. Victor told her that the club was all hers before then._

_“Right.” The door opened and he stepped out, waving at the flashing lights. He turned around, reaching a hand out towards her. She stepped out of the car gracefully, and he took a step back to let her pose for a few moments._

_He whispered in her ear as they came together to take a few pictures, “Can I?” He gestured to her, hands paused in the space between them. She smiled for the camera’s, nodding once in his direction, and then she felt his hand on her side._

_He’d offered her his hand once more before they made their way in. She kept up the charade until they made their way in, pulling her hand back as soon as they were out of sight. He let her go without protest, mumbling an apology to her before he began to greet guests._

_It wasn’t necessary. It hadn’t hurt her, but he seemed sincere. At the end of the premiere, he asked to take her hand again, assuring that it was her choice. She’d rolled her eyes at his chivalry, but he’d still ask for the next few years before he touched her until she got fed up with him and told him to stopped._

He was still polite. His hand was always offered, never forced. He was never offended if she pulled away. He was like that with everyone, she noticed. If there was one thing she valued above almost anything, it was her space. Chaz had invaded every part of her for far too long. She needed to feel like something was hers, even if some days that was just the five feet around her.

He didn’t ask to touch her anymore, but after all these years he knew what was okay and what wasn’t. He knew when she was comfortable and when she wasn’t. He was good about her boundaries. If she was being painfully honest, she could admit that he was good about respecting her. She gave him a lot of crap, but he was a gentleman. Some days it made their relationship harder.

She used to cringe when she felt his hands on her sometimes. It was odd being touched by someone who didn’t want anything from her. She was used to desperate hands demanding her attention. She couldn’t remember the last time someone didn’t have ulterior motives in her new life. Her clan made forming real relationships nearly impossible. People wanted her. They were supposed to want her. They were willing to do whatever it took to get close to her. She wasn’t used to the way he reached for her just because she was there. Chaz burned casual touch from her body.

She felt guilty, but it wasn’t like Victor was doing it just for her. He liked to shake hands, and pat shoulders. He offered hugs to people who would take them. He gave fist bumps and high fives to anyone who looked at him for longer than five seconds. She knew it was part of his nature. He liked interacting with the world around him in any way possible. If he couldn’t touch, he would talk. She knew that if he had it his way, he would do both. He was present in everything he did. It was one of the things she liked about him. She didn’t hate when his affection was directed at her, but she had to work to be neutral.

He’d noticed. He held her hand when they came or left somewhere important, but he didn’t reach out beyond that. He compromised by resting his arm on the back of her chair, or on the table between them. They ran parallel to each other for years, only crashing into each other for pictures or interviews. It was a show. Or it had been up until a few weeks ago. She briefly wondered if it was only a show in her mind. She wondered if it had always been real to him. The guilt made her sick, so she pushed the idea away.

It was an act. They played the game for the mortals, painting themselves as a team. As if their kind could ever truly work together. He might have believed that, but she wasn’t sure. He was more hopeful than she was. He wasn’t at Annabelle levels, but he used to be the only person that kept her from being swallowed by doubt. She never thanked him for that.

She watched him play with the claw on her finger, tapping the point and twisting it gently. She never understood why he reached out so often. Not just with her, but to the world. There was no real use for it. Every aspect of their night life was filled with danger. The more he put himself out there, the more likely he was to be burned. He didn’t seem to care about the risk. She knew better.

Most of her interactions with the world were based on want or fear. She had been acting and reacting to the same situations for almost a decade. Nothing caught her attention, nothing forced her to reconsider or engage until a few nights ago.

She resisted the urge to cover the place on her chest where the hole used to be. She’d healed it without problem, but it was still fresh in her mind. She could feel the ghost of the wood inside of her.

Everything came into perspective. Victor told her he loved her. It wasn’t the first time, but it surprised her. She killed his security and he told her he loved her. She didn’t think he would ever completely make sense to her, but that was a good thing. His best quality was that he was nothing like her.

A few hours after, she’d been staked. She lost her sister, one of the only things that mattered anymore. She laid crushed in the basement of a church to a god that didn’t pay attention to her kind. There was a real possibility that she could've died there. Greg wouldn’t have stopped trying, but he could only hold the mortals off for so long. When her coterie showed up, she’d allowed herself to hope. Hope that they could save her, and that they would help her save Isa. She could see the fear and desperation on his face. His apologies as he pulled her off the stake still rang in her ears. He’d been incredibly gentle with her. She spent the next few nights thinking about everything he said. He would have died right there next to her if they hadn’t gotten her out. She didn’t know what to do with that information.

Therese appeared, and Isa had to wait. It was a miracle she wasn’t dead. Nelli would never stop owing them for everything they’d done for her. She hoped that if she helped them win a war, it would be enough. If she kept them safe, if she loved them hard, maybe they wouldn’t hate her for everything she put them through. Maybe they would all stop owing each other.

She could remember the sinking feeling in her stomach when Chaz walked in. She’d felt Victor’s hand on her shoulder, and without thinking she’d reached for it. She held his hand and tried to convince herself that he would keep her safe, even if he found out what she’d done. She let him keep her grounded and used the heat of his hand against hers to make her strong. 

She found herself reaching out more. Holding his hand for no reason, touching his face, his shoulders, his back. It was like there was a switch flipped inside of her. She didn’t think she’d ever get to that point, where touching someone was natural. It wasn’t easy, especially not after what Chaz had done, but it was a start. There was something soothing about not having expectations. 

Victor cleared his throat, and she turned to look at him.

“So, uh, Fairbanks?” He asked.

She pulled her hand back, rolling her eyes. “Absolutely not!”

He chuckled, and she couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face even as she chastised him. It grew wider when he reached for her again, and she let him take her hand.


	12. She can rap the entirety of The College Dropout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She loved Madonna and Prince. She still listened to NSYNC and Spice Girls while she was coming up with ideas, letting the upbeat melodies guide her hand. She had a few different playlists to listen to while she was putting her designs together, and today she was trying to focus her energy. 
> 
> Kayne West rapped in the background and she copied him word for word. The College Dropout came out when her career took off, not too long after she left her own university.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a lot of meta about these two. They're so similar and I love the sibling vibe they give off. He doesn't hate her and I don't think she's ever hated him, so why not give them some sweetness?

Nelli turned the music up in her workroom. She pushed the easel behind her worktable, making sure that she had a clear view of it as she started to piece together her prototype. The dress was inspired by the one she’d worn to the Succubus Club. It was beautiful, but not suitable for everyday wear. She wanted people to feel as good as she did when she wore it. She was hoping to make a more business appropriate version of the look and was finally content with her sketches.

She wanted to maintain the same element of glam while making it more modest. She could wear whatever she wanted to a meeting, but she knew that wasn’t the case for everyone. She hoped her new business line could help give women confidence in the office.

She rechecked her measurements, using chalk to mark where she should cut the navy fabric. It was a little duller than what she wore, but she hoped that changing materials would add to the old Hollywood vibe she was going for. Using her fabric scissors, she snipped away, cutting out the pattern for the top of the dress. She stared at it for a moment before she shortened the sleeves a few inches. _Perfect._

She moved to the sewing machine on her worktable, and she sang to herself as she began to stitch the pieces together.

She loved Madonna and Prince. She still listened to NSYNC and Spice Girls while she was coming up with ideas, letting the upbeat melodies guide her hand as she came up with high-class versions of what she wore in her youth. She had a few different playlists to listen to while she was putting her designs together, and today she was trying to focus her energy. She was excited, but sewing required a certain level of precision. She hummed under her breath to keep her hands steady.

It wasn’t technically a secret, she just didn’t advertise all her interests. Victor knew, but then again, Victor knew more about her than most. She paused, reaching over to turn the music up a little more as the song shifted. The rest of the coterie had been given explicit instructions to leave her alone while she worked, barring emergencies. Victor offered to have the floor cleared so she could focus and she'd gladly accepted. She didn’t have to worry about being interrupted. Or caught.

Kayne West rapped in the background and she copied him word for word. _The College Dropout_ came out when her career took off, not too long after she left her own university. It was stupid, she knew that, but she loved being able to work outside of what people thought of her.

Victor thought it was cute, but then again, he could rap every word from _Graduation._ He had no room to judge. They’d argued at length about which album was better, both agreeing that none of his new work was worth listening to. It was one of their recurring disagreements, neither of them had budged in the years they discussed it.

She stepped away from the machine, checking her progress. The base was turning out nicely. She had to put the sleeves together and attach them before she could start adding the other elements, but she was happy with her progress.

She set it down, moving to make minor adjustments and notes on her easel. She kept up with the music, head bobbing as she studied the design. She noted the adjusted sleeve length in the sketch, marking the new measurements in the margins. 

“The prettiest people do the ugliest things,” she murmured to herself. A sudden wave of cold washed over her. She stepped back towards the sewing machine, not seeing anything. She kept her pen in her hand, pretending to work in her notepad as she adjusted her vision to see beyond what was in front of her. She turned around again, and saw him. He noticed.

“Victor asked me to come get you,” he offered, smirking at her. He was leaning up against the doorway, door cracked open behind him. She didn’t know if he decided to hide before or after he caught her, but she scowled at him anyway.

“What did you see?” She asked, folding her arms over her chest. Jasper’s grin widened. 

“Nothing of interest to me. Annabelle, on the other hand, would be intrigued by this information.” 

She contemplated hissing at him. It wouldn’t do anything, and it wasn’t very impressive, but it would make her feel better. “What do you want to keep it to yourself?”

He snickered. “I don’t think there’s anything you can give me, unfortunately.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “There has to be something.”

He stepped further into the room, running his claws over some of the mannequins as he entered. He looked at some of her designs, pinching the material between his fingers, looking at collars and sleeves. She watched him with disinterest, trying to figure out what she had to offer.

Jasper wasn’t interested in things. He traded for information and suffering strictly, but she didn’t think she knew anything he didn’t. She tried to come up with a quick list as he examined one of her blouses.

She wasn’t worried about him touching anything. Jasper liked to fuck with her, but she knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Even when he called her ugly, and she remembered that conversation more vividly than she would have liked, his point was to tell her to get her shit together. His cruelty was purposeful when it came to her and Victor. His goal had always been to annoy or inconvenience them. He liked to get on her nerves, and he was of the opinion that if he had to suffer, then she would suffer with him. She imagined that this was what her life would have been like if Isa had been a boy. 

Her relationship with Jasper was in a tumultuous place these nights. They’d been through a lot together, and they seemed to be in an impasse. They didn’t like each other, or he didn’t like her, but she was trying. She tried to keep Victor from messing with him. She tried to be mindful of his way of moving, making sure to leave doors open behind her. She didn’t want to keep him locked down with the coterie, so she tried to make sure she was advocating for what he wanted. He helped save her sister and got hurt doing it. So did Eva. Nelli wasn’t sure what his relationship with the pale girl was now, but it was clear to everyone where it was going. 

He was there when she killed Chaz. He’d been aggressive, but she knew him. He wasn’t going to let her do it alone.

As much as she hated to admit it, she and Jasper had more in common than differences. They were both desperately trying to hide their lives from the others, and they both had failed. His eating habits made him just as vulnerable as Isa made Nelli. He didn’t want to look back at his human life, and she couldn’t afford to do so without someone she loved getting hurt. 

Jasper was as good at handling his emotions as she was. He pushed everyone away. He said he didn’t care about any of them. He made it sound as though he wouldn’t have cared if any of them died, but she knew better. He’d fought alongside them for too many years for her to believe his crap. He cared as much as she did, but instead of forcing everyone into strict roles, he kept them at an arm's length. She’d called him perfect, but they were both fuck ups. He kept people in cages, and she put chains around their hearts.

She wanted them to be a family. She didn’t need them to be close, but she hoped that one day they would get to a place where they were at ease. They would never go shopping together or explore his Labyrinth, but there were ways for them to work together. He was better at Blood Sorcery than she was. There was no way he would teach her, but she hoped one day they could compare notes. Study something together. One day. 

He moved towards a rack at the back of the room, casually examining the clothes on hangers. He spotted the black fabric seconds before she did, and she didn’t have time to stop him from picking it up. He plucked the hanger off the rack. “What’s this?”

It was something she’d been working on for a few weeks. The fabric was thin and breathable. She’d debated on making it waterproof before deciding to make the hood detachable. He could swap it out for a polyester version that would keep his head dry if needed. The hood was oversized. It was designed to cloak his face in shadow, resting just above his eyes. There was a mouth covering hidden in the extra fabric of the cow neck. It would hook over his ears and cover his nose, but could be tucked away as a decorative piece. 

The sleeves were loosely fitted, and she watched as he ran his hand over one, pausing as he felt the leather holsters she’d built in. They were padded with suede, and he could comfortably hide two small knives on each arm. There was a large holster in the back for the machete. That one had been the most difficult to design, she ended up creating a false back to hide the blade while still allowing him full access. She was quite proud. The ripples and ruffles of the pattern she’d come up with hid a large piece of leather in the chest that would offer him a layer of protection. It wasn’t armor, but it was the best she could do. It still had the goth vibe he radiated, but with an air of deadly elegance. 

She watched as he held it up to his chest. It was so clearly made for him, there was no way to get around it. “I’ve been working on it for a while. You get hurt a lot, and I thought this might help. There are inside pockets, and they’re waterproof,” she explained quietly, watching him.

His face was inscrutable. He ran his fingers over the ridges, taking a moment to tap the leather implements, tracing the zipper that held the hood on. He pulled it off the hanger, holding it in both of his hands. “You made this?”

“I made the holster for my stakes and for the knives Abrams gave me. I figured I wasn’t the only one who could use them.”

He nodded, not taking his eyes off the garment. She reached for the remote, turning the music off. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t planned on letting him know it came from her. She had half a mind to make Abrams give it to him as a reward. She never thought that he would accept anything from her. He didn’t hate her, but he liked owing people as much as she did. He wouldn’t see it as settling a score. 

“What did Victor want?” She asked before the silence could become awkward. 

“He’s got some plans for the new place he needs you to look at.”

He was expressionless when he finally looked at her. He held the hoodie up in his hands. “This is my price,” he said firmly.

She shook her head. “It was already yours, that doesn’t count.”

He folded it neatly, tucking it under one arm as he began to head towards the door. “It’s my deal. That’s my price. I’m keeping it and you can’t stop me.” His voice didn’t leave any room for argument, and she rolled her eyes at him.

“So, you get the hoodie that was already yours in exchange for not telling Annabelle?”

He nodded, not looking back. She followed him into the hallway, heading towards the elevator. They waited in peaceful silence before he spoke again. “If you want to keep the Cardi B a secret, however, the price for that is separate. And before you argue, I have a video of that performance, so prepare to dig deep.”

She cursed under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not @ me about Kanye West, I said what I said. I'm also of the opinion that Graduation is better than The College Dropout.


	13. She sleeps longer than normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And you were taking a long time to wake up. The rest of the blanks are up already. You haven’t moved since the sun went down and was like half an hour ago. I don’t know how your blank shit works, but that doesn’t seem right to me.”
> 
> She sighed, “We’re not all the same."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise. I ship Nelli with Victor primarily, but I can get behind almost any Nelli ship (Except Chaz & Abrams) I really ship Nelli with happiness and stability.

Nelli heard someone calling her name as she woke up.

“Nelli? Nells, get up!”

The panic in Greg’s voice had her moving before she knew where she was, drawing a knife from underneath her nightstand and looking for whatever was hurting him. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he said, jerking away from her.

She scanned the room. She was in her quarters in the Maharani. The light of one of the side table lamps illuminated the room in a warm, yellow glow. Greg sat at the end of her bed, looking nervous. She looked beyond the room, trying to find any hidden danger. When she didn’t see anything, she reached out with the rest of her senses. She could count the dust motes in the air, taste them in her breath. She could hear the voices of the security guards on the opposite end of the floor. The room smelled like Arachnophoria, sweat, and a touch of Victor’s cologne. She didn't see an obvious threat.

She dropped the stiletto back on the table. “What’s wrong?” She asked. There was nothing in the room that would make him panic. She briefly wondered if it was Chelsea. Or maybe the FBI had finally found him. Greg could handle himself, so anything that scared him made her nervous.

“Well, you just pulled a fucking knife out of nowhere. I’m not exactly excited about that,” he snarked, leaning forward on the bed to get closer to her. 

“And?” She said, taking a moment to stretch before she leaned forward to touch his cheek. He was always needy when she first woke up. It wasn’t unusual for her to spend the first few hours of her night indulging him with the joy of her company. He leaned into her touch, and she ran her other hand through his hair. He reached up to keep her hand there.

“And you were taking a long time to wake up. The rest of the blanks are up already. You haven’t moved since the sun went down and that was like half an hour ago. I don’t know how your blank shit works, but that doesn’t seem right to me.” He focused intently on her face as he spoke, tracing her every feature with his eyes. 

She sighed, “We’re not all the same. For whatever reason, I tend to sleep in. I need my beauty rest,” she joked, pushing the duvet off her and climbing into his lap. He didn’t wear cologne, so he smelled like laundry detergent and the citrus of his body wash. He wasn’t wearing his jacket and she felt the heat of his chest through his shirt. She felt him shudder as her cold body pressed against him, but he pulled her closer. She felt him make little circles on her hip, dipping underneath the waistband of her shorts.

She let her lips play along his neck before she pressed a kiss to his collarbone. She brushed another kiss over his jawline, letting her cool breath ghost over him.

“Yeah, whatever. You’re always perfect, you know that.”

She turned her head into his chest, hiding her smile against his shirt. Gregory was the biggest surprise she’d had in years. He was loyal. He was sweet. He was incredibly skilled and just her type. He looked after her. It was different from anything else she had. She didn’t have to play a game when she was with him. He wasn’t using her for information. He didn’t try to manipulate her. She didn’t owe him anything, and it was a wonderful feeling to know that he would never throw her mistakes in her face. Making sure she was safe was enough to keep him happy.

“Thank you.”

She knew she should feel guilty. He wouldn’t love her if it wasn’t for the blood. It wasn’t like he had a choice, but it was nice to feel loved without any strings attached. She could still remember the disgust on his face when they met for the first time, but she refused to believe that he would've been better off without her. When the two of them were alone, he was unbelievably happy. She tried to focus on that.

He wrapped his arms around her, letting his lips graze the top of her ear before he rested his chin on her head. She could feel the hum of his voice as he spoke. “You know, I know you’re dead and all. I know that nothing can really hurt you. I wouldn’t let anything hurt you,” he assured her, pulling back to catch her eye.

“I know,” She nodded, biting her lip to suppress her smile. He liked to feel as though she was listening to him when he spoke. If she got distracted by how cute he was when he was serious, or the way his eyes sparkled, he would be annoyed with her. Which was just as cute, but required her to admire him from a distance. She was far too comfortable in his arms to risk that.

“It’s just– When you’re asleep like that, you don’t do anything. You don’t breathe, you don’t twitch, you’re like a statue. It’s scary when the rest of them are moving around, being the living dead or whatever the fuck they are, and you’re just plain dead.” His arms tightened around her, and she took a deep breath for show.

“I’m here,” she murmured, forcing her heart to start beating. Greg didn’t freak out often, nothing more than his average, “What weird ass vampire shit is happening now?” which she’d come to appreciate over the past few months. To see him this concerned made her want to stay in his arms forever.

He deserved a vacation. He did so much for her without question. He almost never failed. He was what she thought the perfect man was when she was 15. She was much older now, and she knew the perfect person wasn’t real. There were a lot of people in her life who were perfect for her in different ways. They all deserved the kind of love she couldn’t give them.

He pressed a kiss to her head before he buried his face in her hair. His voice was muffled when he spoke,“Shit’s getting serious, Nells. I worry.”

He was naturally anxious. He worried about all the things that could go wrong at any point in time. He was afraid of things like being late to movies, and he couldn’t relax until they bought popcorn and found their seats. In a strange way, his constant worry kept her calm. She didn’t need to think about what could happen when the two of them were together, because he was already doing that for them both.

“I know. I’m fine. I need to get dressed so we can go meet with the others. Do you wanna join me or do you want to stay here?”

He held her impossibly tight for a moment before he released her. He shook his head, leaning down to kiss her before murmuring, “You go ahead. I’ll wait here.”

“Be right back.” She stole another kiss before she got up, walking into her closet.

She went through most of her clothes, trying to find something that said, ‘battle-ready chic’. She sighed as her fingers passed over her gowns. She didn’t get to dress up as often anymore. Even with the club opening, there wasn’t time for social calls most nights.

She quickly settled on a loose pair of slacks, stripping and throwing her sleep shorts into a basket. She technically didn’t need to wear pajamas, but they were cute. They gave her an excuse to expand her wardrobe, and they made her feel normal. 

She pulled off the loose shirt she was wearing, tossing it in the same basket as she tried to decide what to wear. The Hollywood and Highland logo was starting to fade from the front of it. She wasn’t surprised. She’d stolen it from Abrams around the time they first met. It was incredible that it lasted as long as it did. She made a mental note to take another one the next time she was there.

She was still looking for a shirt when she heard Greg moving, his heavy footfalls heading towards her. He walked into the closet, closing the distance between them. She raised an eyebrow at him as he approached. “What’s up?”

“Changed my mind,” he growled.

He grabbed one of her arms, pulling her flush to him and tilting her head up before catching her lips with his own. She let out a small, ‘Hmph!' of surprise. He wasn’t usually so forward, and she wasn’t sure if she should worry. 

She felt him reach down, picking her up and wrapping her legs around him. He took a step towards the door and she pulled back. “What are you doing?” She asked breathlessly. Her heart raced, and she could feel the heat spreading over her chest into her cheeks and ears. She felt like a teenager again.

“I missed you.”

“We don’t really have time for this. I still need to grab a shirt and we have to meet with the others.”

She felt his blunt nails digging into her back. He was staring at her in a familiar way, and she supressed her sigh. She could only imagine what he’d seen that was making him act this way. She kissed him again, trying to soothe him. She didn’t have time for this kind of tantrum. She knew that it wasn’t his fault. The blood could do that sometimes. It could make even the most secure and laid-back people into possessive, jealous half-monsters. 

She pushed off his chest, and he reluctantly set her down. She pushed herself up to give him one last kiss. He rubbed her cheek as she pulled away from him. “Why don’t you go wait for me?”

He glared at her, hand still gentle on her face. She watched as he tried to calm himself, and considered using an Entrancement to help him. He opened his mouth, before shutting it hard. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

“I’m going to head downstairs. See you there,” he muttered. She watched him walk away, ignoring the goosebumps that had bloomed at his touch. She could hear him snatching up his jacket and winced when the door slammed behind him.

She stared blankly ahead for a moment before she turned back to her closet. She chose a shirt at random, pulling it over her head and tucking it into her pants. She snagged her favorite heels, slipping them on and giving herself a quick spray of Arachnophoria. She walked back into her room, putting on her necklace and a matching set of earrings. 

She sat down at her vanity, rushing through the rest of her routine. She brushed her hair out and started to braid it back, trying to figure out what could have happened between her walking to the closet and picking out a pair of pants. She couldn’t think of anything. She vowed to make it up to him later, whatever it was.

She was in the middle of doing her makeup when her eyes caught a piece of red fabric mixed up with the sheets of her bed. She turned to look before she stood up, walking over to her bed and pulling it free of her blankets.

She recognized it and everything started to click into place. It was a tie. She thought Victor’s cologne was coming from the club, or the mattress. She was wrong. She didn’t have to sharpen her senses to know that it smelt like him. She still remembered pulling it off and tossing it behind her. 

She threw the tie back on the bed. That usually wouldn’t have been enough to set Greg off. She wondered if his fear made him prone to jealousy. It wouldn’t be ideal, but it was fair. He controlled himself so well the rest of the time, there had to be something. She didn’t expect him to be perfect and as good as things were between them, they weren’t equal. She’d always have the freedom to choose. He would never want anyone but her. 

She walked back over to the vanity, finishing her eyeliner and applying her lipstick carefully. She picked out a purse, taking a moment to put Victor’s tie in it. She couldn’t apologize to Greg, but she would make sure Victor had all of his things from now on. She didn’t let herself think about Brad’s hoodie, hidden in the back of her wardrobe.


	14. She might be a head ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “As soon as I can.” She sent the red heart she reserved for him. Everyone had an assigned color in her phone. It made her life easier.
> 
> She jumped as Brad’s voice broke the quiet.
> 
> “Who the fuck is Isaac?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know what a head ass is, I can't explain it to you. I apologize. We don't know enough about Brad outside of he's into Nelli and he's clingy, but I know enough about people to know that everyone has their limit and they will snap when they reach it.

Nelli adjusted the pillow behind her back, leaning against the arm of the couch. She had her feet in Brad’s lap, neatly tucked underneath a blanket. The only light in the room came from the glow of the TV. Nelli didn’t watch TV when she was alone, so Brad and Greg were the only people who ever used it. The ‘watched list’ was made up of action movies and reality TV shows. She almost chuckled at the contradictions. He was scrolling through the options on the screen, looking for their show. 

She didn’t like playing house with Brad. He was mostly for show. In the begining, she kept him around because she needed someone to feed from in public places. Then, she realized how useful he was. She didn’t have ghouls before she met Greg, so having a mortal was godsend. He helped her with Thorn when she asked, keeping his eyes on the store until she woke up. He had a good grip on her taste and could be counted on to make minor decisions. He took orders well. Even if she didn’t like him as much as she once did, she trusted him to do as she asked. Most of the time.

He was starting to become clingy in a way she hated. He was glued to her side when they were together. He wanted more time, and she didn't have any to offer. She couldn't tell him she was in the middle of a city-wide power struggle, so she'd been feeding him half-truths to soften the blow of her rejection. She felt bad. He couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong. He kept trying to get back into her good graces, despite her assurances. 

The thought of breaking up with him crossed her mind more than once. She had ghouls to replace him, although neither were as fashion savvy and she refused to feed from them. She couldn’t afford having another human around to make her vulnerable. She didn’t love Brad. She barely liked him most nights, but she cared about him. She didn’t want him to get hurt, at least not by someone other than her. His blood wasn’t worth his life.

The number of people who counted on her these nights was overwhelming. She wasn’t sure she had room for someone so fragile. She was struggling to keep herself organized. The people she cared about the most were starting to become too big for the boxes she kept them in. The neat labels on her relationships were peeling away, and lines were becoming blurred. No one was content with what she was giving them anymore, and she didn’t know how to explain that there was nothing left for them to take. They all had different parts of her to themselves, and that had to be enough. She didn’t know if she was selfish for wanting them all or if they were selfish for asking for her. She was splitting herself into pieces trying to keep everyone close. She didn’t know how long she could keep up the balancing act.

She felt a hand rest on her leg. She shook out of her reverie. “Baby? Are you ready?”

Brad was watching her expectantly, TV paused. She shifted again, trying to act as though she was paying attention. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

He started the episode, sitting back with a water bottle in hand. She tried to pay attention to what was happening on the screen. Fictional drama didn’t hold her interest these days. Not when she was constantly waiting for the sky to fall. She liked to distract herself from her issues normally, but she was tired.

There were a lot of terrible things about being embraced. She was selfish. Sometimes, she killed people. She had a Beast inside of her that would eventually turn her into an uncontrollable monster. She couldn’t be with her family anymore. She couldn’t have kids, and that wasn’t something she let herself think about too hard if she wanted to make it through the night. Right now, what she hated most was her inability to sleep.

Her mind was tired. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about everything that could go wrong. She didn’t know how she would survive if something happened to her family. Or her ghouls. Or her sister. 

Her body wouldn’t let her escape. She knew that she shouldn’t have been wasting time, but all she wanted was to take a nap. She wanted a break. She didn’t care that she was wasting precious moments that could have been spent planning. She knew that she didn’t have all the time in the world anymore, but it didn’t matter. She was going to burn herself out soon. It was only a matter of time. 

She let her head fall onto the couch, hitting the frame with a dull thud. Brad squeezed her ankle, not turning to look. He was used to her dramatics.

Her phone vibrated in her lap. She thought about throwing it into the TV and forcing Brad to drive her across the border so that she could live out the rest of her life in Cancun. She knew logically that there was too much sun, and the drive was too long. She’d die before she left the people she cared about, but she felt paper thin. She let herself imagine white sand beaches as she lifted her head to check her phone.

Abrams texted her. 

The TV paused. Brad tapped her legs, and she pulled back so he could stand. “Bathroom, and I’m out of water,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek before he headed into the kitchen. He knew better than to ask if she wanted anything. When they first met, she told him she was on a strict diet. After a few months, she started finding pamphlets on nutrition and body positivity. He even bought her vitamins. The memory made her smile.

She unlocked her phone, checking her messages. _“Can I expect the pleasure of your presence tonight?”_

She smiled. Staying with Abrams everyday was a pleasant surprise. They would usually spend the hour right before sunset together before she went back to her room. Sometimes, they talked. He would tell her about the people he used to know, or old Hollywood. Nelli told him about her plans for Thorn, getting feedback on some of her riskier designs. She knew him better now than ever before. 

Other times, they fed together. It was an indulgence that only Abrams allowed her. She figured it was a Toreador thing. There was something beautiful in the way people and kindred alike gave in to their desires. Besides, wasted blood didn’t bother him like it did Victor or Greg. He liked watching her play with her food. He liked watching her.

_“Count on it. Why? Do you have something for me?”_

She heard a door open, and the sounds of Brad wandering around her kitchen. She gave Greg money for groceries, and he kept the pantry well-stocked. She had wine for Brad, Beer for Greg, and Whiskey for Chelsea on top of the various snacks Nelli insisted on. Chelsea didn’t come over very often, but Nelli wanted her to feel at home. She was distracted by a bubble popping up. Faintly, she could hear the kitchen light turning off.

 _“Gorgeous, you wouldn’t believe what I have waiting here for you. The sooner you get back to me, the sooner you can have it.”_ There was a winking kissy emoji, and she giggled under her breath. Abrams was as good with technology as she was, and his attempts to stay up to date always made her laugh.

 _“As soon as I can.”_ She sent the red heart she reserved for him. Everyone had an assigned color in her phone. It made her life easier.

She jumped as Brad’s voice broke the quiet.

“Who the fuck is Isaac?”

He tried to sound firm, but she’d known him for too long to hear anything other than the devastation in his voice. She felt the guilt stab at her chest. She tried to pull the feeling from her throat, hoping to keep it out of her vocal cords.

“You’re reading over my shoulder now? Really?”

His hand tightened around his water bottle, knuckles tightening. He walked past her, pacing in front of the TV.

“What else am I supposed to do, Nelli? You don’t talk to me! You don’t talk to anyone! You just order us around and expect us to do whatever the hell you want. How many of us are there really? Victor, Greg, now whoever the fuck this is. And don’t think I don’t know about the girl. I don’t know her name, but I’ve seen her stuff around here.”

His face was getting red. She stood up, keeping the coffee table between them as he spoke. He couldn’t hurt her, she didn’t think he would try, but she was dangerous. She knew how reckless she could be when she got upset.

“Firstly, I can be with whoever the fuck I want. It’s not your place to dictate who I can and can’t see. Secondly–”

He whirled around to face her, not getting closer as he pointed his accusations. His hair was coming out of its neat coif. Her stomach sunk.

“That’s the problem here, _babe._ You can do whatever you want, you do whoever you want, and you expect me to just sit around and wait for you! I have a world outside of you. And if you don’t want me, then why the hell do you keep me around? You don’t love me, so I know it’s not that. I don’t think you love any of us. I don’t even think you’re capable of it. How many of us are you going to hurt before you’re a whole person?” 

They both froze as the question registered. His face faltered for a minute before his mask was back in place. She heard her phone buzz behind her. 

“I’m not sleeping with the girl. She’s just a friend.” She kept her voice neutral. She didn’t know if it would be enough to soothe him, but there was no point in hiding it anymore. Apparently, she was worse than she thought at keeping secrects.

He chuckled mirthlessly. He covered his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes. She could see the tears building there and forced herself to stay still. “So, you’re not sleeping with her. That’s fantastic. Great job! But you’re still with Victor, right? And Greg. And what about your new friend Isaac, Nelli? Are you sleeping with him, too?”

Victor once said that Brad didn’t have a backbone. She’d privately agreed with him, even as she called him jealous. She was almost surprised how far she’d been able to push him before he broke. The dark part of her, the monster, considered draining him so that she could finally have a moment of peace. For once, she didn't even think about lying to him. “Sometimes.”

He stared at her incredulously for a long moment. Her phone buzzed on the couch. He took a step back, shaking his head. “You– You know what? I think I need a break from you and from whatever the fuck this is.”

She watched silently as he picked up his jacket. He shrugged it on, and she followed him to the door. She felt like she was watching herself from a distance. He opened it and paused, turning to her.

Her voice came back. “Brad–”

He held a hand up and sighed. “Victor’s in love with you. So is Greg, I think, but Victor for sure.”

The silence lasted a lifetime.

“I know," she whispered.

He scoffed. “You don’t. You think you do, but you don’t. You’re going to ruin them all if you keep this up. Victor’s not just your partner. Greg isn’t security. I don’t know who this new guy is, but he doesn’t stand a chance. You can’t force people to be what you make them, you can’t–” He took a deep breath. “You can’t control how I feel or how anyone else feels. So just get the fuck over it.”

He left without looking back. 

She wandered back over to the couch. There was an unpleasant numbness in her chest that she hadn’t felt in years. She’d always known that this couldn’t last. It was too much for any one person. Especially her. She was so tired. She laid back down, pulling the blanket over herself. She gave herself one minute to feel everything.

Victor wasn’t just her business partner. He loved her. He was in love with her maybe, and more often than not, she loved him back. She put a hand over her mouth. Greg loved her. He was her ghoul, but he was also kind of her boyfriend who might hate her if she didn’t keep them supernaturally bonded. She wasn’t sure when that happened. Isaac cared about her. He was one of her closest friends in the entire world and she was half-way moved in.

She wasn’t a place to love any of them. She could still feel Chaz on her skin. She could hear him. She closed her eyes and saw his face. She was terrified she would lose them all. If she picked one, and he left, it would be Chaz all over again. If she didn’t pick, they might all get fed up and leave anyway, except for Greg who probably hated her deep down. And she would be alone.

She wasn’t sure if she could handle being by herself. Her brain always had a powerpoint filled with her greatest failures playing in the background. She was in control. She was always in control of herself. She tried to control everyone around her so that for once in her life, she could feel stable. She was failing.

Her phone buzzed. She had a text from Abrams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more.


	15. She's a blanket hog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One, they are. And two, that’s not the point. The point is you’re a blanket thief. How long have you been living a life of crime?”
> 
> She laughed at him, rolling onto her back and shaking her head. “You just don’t want to share because you’re selfish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This is the shortest chapter in the work, but I really think it works. This has been a taxing, but rewarding experience. I don't know if I'll do anything like it again, but I'm so glad I got it all out. I started planning this in May, and it's finally done. I'm so glad I did this. Nelli will forever be my favorite, and even though it might not be as good as she deserves, it's a start.
> 
> Special thanks to Canadiankazz for putting up with my occasional questions as I worked through this.
> 
> This chapter is for Mary. Thanks for suffering alongside me.

“But you do it on purpose!”

Nelli rolled her eyes at him, “I do not!”

Victor propped his head up in his hand, staring at her suspiciously. “Okay. Let's think about this. We don’t move when we sleep. And we both know that with your weird ass sleep schedule, you always fall asleep after me. That means that you steal them on purpose, and I wake up with your cold ass toes on me and no blanket!”

“My toes are not cold!”

“One, they are. And two, that’s not the point. The point is you’re a blanket thief. How long have you been living a life of crime?”

She laughed at him, rolling onto her back and shaking her head. “You just don’t want to share because you’re selfish.”

He gasped dramatically at her, and she had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggles. 

“Selfish, really? I’m selfish? You’re tiny, and you take up more than half the bed! I had to have this comforter custom-made to fit me, and you’re stealing it!”

She shook her head, smile betraying her. “Let’s work this out for a minute. If this bed is about 90 inches long—and I helped design it, so I know what the dimensions are— anyway, if this bed is 90 inches long and about 85 inches wide, then why does Victor keep saying there’s no room?”

He chuckled under his breath. “I have a better problem for you. If Nelli is only five feet when she sneezes, why does she need so much bed in the first place? Figure that one out for me, darling.”

“Ha, ha. You’re so funny,” she deadpanned, still grinning.

He hesitated when he reached out, and the care in his movements reminded her suddenly of the way Hermes would reach out ever so slowly before he pushed a glass off the counter. His finger hovered right outside of her space for a moment, his eyes meeting hers with a silent question. She arched an eyebrow.

He slowly, carefully jabbed her sharply once in her ribs. She yelped, batting his hand away and squirming towards the opposite end of the oversized bed.

“Get back here, thief!”

She squealed as she felt a warm hand wrap around her wrist lightly. She pretended to struggle as he began to pull her back towards him. She knew that if she were human, her face would be flushed.

When she was close enough, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her until she was pressed against him. She tried not to smile like an idiot, but she knew it was pointless. He made her do that sometimes.

“You caught me,” she said breathlessly, trying to make herself sound as seductive as possible.

She looked up at him, waiting until he smirked at her to headbutt him in the chest. He didn’t need to breathe, and it couldn’t hurt him, but his surprise was enough for him to release her. She scrambled away from him, taking the comforter as she went.

He watched as she wrapped herself in it completely, until he could only see the bottom half of her face in a mountain of cream fabric.

She could hear the muffled, “Are you serious?” from inside of her cocoon and tried to radiate smugness. She prided herself on her cleverness. She felt less proud when she heard the tell-tale click of his camera. She struggled to free herself, panic spiking before the blanket gave. She forced her way to freedom and narrowed her eyes at him.

He laughed when he saw her face, taking another picture before she could prepare. She turned to find a mirror. When she saw herself, she didn’t know whether to threaten his life or join him.

Her hair was sticking up around her head like a warped crown, and her shirt—his shirt, really, but who cared about the semantics?—was twisted around her shoulders. She looked ridiculous. She tried to fix her hair for a minute before she gave up, throwing it into a messy knot on the top of her head.

He wiped his eyes theatrically as he laid back, offering an arm to her. She sized him up, trying to see if he was tricking her so that he could steal the blanket back. His hand grasped at nothing, and he tilted towards her. “Come on. Come here.”

She watched him, making no attempt to get within his reach. She gathered the comforter behind her, half of it hanging off the bed and tumbling to the floor. “This could be a trap,” she said, rubbing her chin.

He huffed at her. “First of all, _you’re_ the thief. I should have you arrested, but I won’t because I’m nice. Come here, please. The sun’s gonna be up in like 30 minutes. I wanna get comfortable.”

She shook her head sympathetically. “I just don’t know. It seems risky,” she said. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Nelli.” He was unamused, but he refused to get up. “Come on. Ven. Ven a- aca?”

She pulled back in surprise. His pronunciation wasn’t too bad. “Oh? ¿Hablas español ahora?”

He put his hand up, “I’m working on it. Did I say that right?”

She pulled the blanket with her as she moved towards him. She covered herself as she laid down on her side, not complaining as he pulled the comforter over him. “It wasn’t too bad, actually. We’ll work on it.”

He nodded. “We can have lessons in between rallies.” 

She let out an amused breath.

He stared at the ceiling for a moment. She turned to try to see what he was looking at. The fan was off, and she made a mental note to remind him to dust up there. It was plain, the only white wall in the room. 

“Victor?”

“Hm?” 

He turned his head to look at her. She pointed above her in a silent question. He stretched before he offered her his arm as a pillow. She laid back, leaving a few inches between them. He didn’t mind, turning his attention upwards.

“My mom painted the stars on my ceiling when I was little,” he explained. She watched his face. He was relaxed. A little wistful, even.

She’d never heard Victor talk about his human family before. She hesitated before she spoke again.

“My mom couldn’t even cook.”

He laughed and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing with him. She moved an inch closer to him, trying to absorb some of his heat before she was dead to the world and couldn’t feel it anymore. 

“She was great!” Nelli continued as their laughter died down. “My best friend, she just couldn’t cook for shit.”

“You’re here, so you clearly didn’t starve to death. What was your favorite food to order?”

“When I was younger, it was pizza. When I was in college, I really loved Pad Thai. I can cook though.”

He looked at her in surprised. “Can you?”

She nodded, leaning over to rest her head on his chest. “I’m a really good cook.”

He considered it for a moment before he spoke. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

She wrinkled her nose. “It’s not like you can eat it.”

“No, but Campbell could. The rest of the guys. I just want to watch you,” he confessed.

She closed her eyes. “You’re crazy.”

He hummed noncommittally, “Maybe. Or maybe you can’t cook and you’re trying to trick me. You are a blanket thief. You can’t really be trusted.”

She felt the vitae in her body begin to slow. She didn’t get tired, they were never tired, but she could tell when the sleep was going to take her. “I’m not a thief. That’s slander, and I’m going to sue you when we get up.”

He laughed. “We have the same lawyers, and I pay them more.”

He pulled away from her. He turned off the light on his end table before double checking that his phone was on the charger. He moved his pillows in a way that she’d come to regard as purely Victor. He couldn’t feel them when he was asleep. She stretched out on her side of the bed, widening the gap between them as she pulled the blanket towards her. 

It’s not like they could wake up cold or sore, but there were some habits that they’d never lost. There was no use getting ready for bed, or trying to fall asleep, but the familiarity of the routine made it worth the effort. She wondered if they would ever stop playing human.

She closed her eyes against the darkness of the room. There were no windows in his bedroom. When he turned the light off, it was a bit like stepping into a shadow. It reminded her of a less intense version of the mirror. She hated it. 

“Victor?”

He didn’t respond. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that he was gone. The night was leaving them once again. Summer was hard. The sun rose early and set late. They didn’t have as much time with each other anymore, but she wasn’t worried. She and Victor would have a lifetime together spread out in those moments when darkness ruled. If they were lucky, they’d have more than one.

Her limbs felt heavier. Stiff. She wrapped herself more securely in the blanket, and let death take her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. This counts as my August fic, no one ask me to write anything until September, good bye!

**Author's Note:**

> Someone correct me if I fucked the Spanish, I am familiar not fluent.


End file.
